


Uncharted Depths

by ShiningCity



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Sunsets, Surfing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 11:12:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19462795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiningCity/pseuds/ShiningCity
Summary: Peeta and Katniss were childhood friends in West Virginia before his parents got divorced and he moved to California with his dad. A couple of years pass and Peeta convinces Katniss to go to USC with him. They resume their close friendship and start to feel more as they enjoy surfing and watching sunsets on the beach. But spending lots of time at the ocean has its risks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, dear readers! Here is the start of a new Everlark fanfic for you! It was inspired by a prompt submitted to everlarkedalways on Tumblr and I had to write it because I recently went to Manhattan Beach, so the scenery is all fresh in my mind. You can also now find me on Tumblr as shining-city. Hope you enjoy! Leave a review and let me know what you think!

_~Peeta~_

I still couldn't believe I had done it. I had convinced Katniss Everdeen to move to California for me. Well, not for me exactly. For school. But I liked to think that part of the reason she agreed was to be with me too.

We had been friends since we were kids, both having grown up in a small town in West Virginia. We went to school together, too. It must have been some time around then that I'd developed a crush on her. The quiet, tough girl with dark hair and grey eyes. We had always been friends. Ever since she came to school one day in Kindergarten with no lunch. I had noticed, maybe because even back when I was only six years old, something drew me to her, and I moved over to her table to offer her half of my sandwich. Of course, even back then she was stubborn and tough as nails, so she wouldn't accept any charity from me. I had to play it off like I was too full to eat it.

From that day forward, we were friends. We rode the bus together to and from school and always sat together, sharing jokes and secrets, helping each other with homework. She was better at math and science and I was better at reading and writing, so she would help me with adding and subtracting while I helped her with grammar and spelling.

Even as we went into middle school and, eventually, high school we stayed friends. Still sat together on the bus. We would even see each other outside of school, hanging out in the woods or she would help out in my parents' cafe to earn a little extra money. Of course, only when mom wasn't around.

That was when I finally realized my feelings were stronger for her than I'd thought. I couldn't help that the feelings of friendship were giving way to...other...feelings. Going through puberty was the worst. I would have dreams about her that definitely crossed the boundary of friendship and caught myself more than once noticing her own physical changes brought on by puberty as well. But finally, once I was in high school, I got control of myself and the crazy hormones.

Even though I couldn't help feeling more for her than friendship, I never let it get in the way. I never even said anything to her. I didn't think she felt the same toward me and I didn't want to ruin what we had. I would just have to be content with the time we spent together in and out of school.

The summer before our junior year of high school, I had finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt. She had been more friendly with me and I'd noticed she spent more time touching my shoulders or my arm during conversation. Maybe she felt the same way?

And then I got some of the worst news of my life. My parents were getting divorced, my dad was moving to California...and I was going with him. I had never felt so torn in my life. I guess I had always expected Mom and Dad to get divorced at some point. They argued constantly and Mom had been heavy-handed toward my older brothers and me more than a few times while we were growing up. There was obviously no love between them anymore...if there had ever been any in the first place. I wasn't even sure about that.

To be fair, Dad had given me the choice. He said I could stay with Mom in West Virginia or I could move to California. That's where he was from and he had family in the Manhattan Beach area still. He said I could help him start a new business there. I told him I would need time to think about it.

Of course, that time to think included talking to Katniss about it. I knew she would help me figure out what was best. I had texted her and asked if we could meet at our usual spot in the woods. She replied quickly and said she would see me there.

Thirty minutes later, we were sitting on our favorite large rock by the river. I had told her my news and waited quietly for her response, too afraid to look in her eyes. I knew this news would devastate her.

I was really the only friend she had. And I didn't mean that egotistically. It was just the truth. She wasn't exactly a warm person. I was one of the very few fortunate people that had gotten to know the soft side of Katniss Everdeen. Everyone else at school saw her as quiet and maybe even a little arrogant. I knew she wasn't actually full of herself, she was just uncomfortable meeting new people.

She rarely trusted anyone after her mom had left their family when Katniss was five years old and her sister Prim was barely a year. Their dad had taken to working two, sometimes three, shifts at work, and Katniss had been left to raise Prim. They were dirt poor and were barely able to put food on the table. That's why that day in Kindergarten, when I had offered Katniss part of my sandwich, she'd had nothing to eat.

Things had gotten better, though. Her dad's hard work at the mining company had paid off and he got a promotion working in the offices instead of the mine. It still wasn't much money, but it was better than it had been. I still offered her part of my lunch now and then, but those days had thankfully grown to be much fewer.

When Katniss finally spoke, I tore my eyes off of the rushing river and looked at her. There was definite sadness in her eyes but the rest of her features were strong. Probably more for her than for me.

"You should go with your dad, Peeta," she said softly. Did I imagine the glossiness her eyes seemed to take on?

I let out a breath. I knew she would say that. Part of me was hoping she'd ask me to stay. But I think we both knew that would be much worse for me. Things hadn't been easy with my mom even having my dad around, I couldn't imagine how much worse they'd be without him.

I finally nodded slowly.

"I know," I replied, barely above a whisper.

We sat in silence for a little while, listening to the river below us and the hundreds of sounds within the forest. It was almost peaceful, except for the nagging sadness. Suddenly, I felt Katniss taking my hand where it had been resting on the rock. I looked at her and saw a single tear leak out of her eye before she brushed it away quickly. I blinked back my own tears and squeezed her hand tightly.

I thought of all the things I wanted to say to her. How I'd been feeling and that I didn't want to leave her. But no words would come. And I felt like letting it all out now would only make this that much harder. So I held onto my feelings. But they never went away.

The morning Dad and I left, we were finishing up packing the van with our few belongings when Katniss pulled up in her dad's old pick-up. I wondered for the hundredth time how that thing was still running.

She parked at the curb and walked over to me to help me carry a box. Even though I wasn't struggling with it, I smiled at her anyway. I was glad she'd come to say goodbye.

After she helped me finish loading the last few things, we stood awkwardly behind the van on the driveway. Nothing had ever been awkward between Katniss and me. But this felt different. It was like we both knew we had a lot of things to say, but neither of us were brave enough to say them.

Finally, Katniss broke the silence.

"I brought something for you," she said, pulling something out of her back pocket.

"Oh, you didn't have to-"

But she cut me off, "It's not much."

She unfolded the piece of paper and revealed a picture of the two of us working behind the counter at my parents' cafe. We obviously hadn't known the picture was being taken, but I remembered that day well.

It was the day Katniss said she wanted to help me bake something before the cafe opened, instead of just working the register. We only baked a few loaves of bread because we ended up throwing flour at each other most of the time instead. When the store opened, I was setting the loaves out on the display counter while Katniss manned the register and we both couldn't stop laughing at the sight of the flour all over ourselves. It was in our hair, on our faces and clothes. It was one of the best days of my life. I was so glad someone had captured this moment.

"Where did you get this?" I asked breathlessly, gingerly taking the photo from her. I couldn't help the broad grin on my face.

She chuckled, fondly remembering the event as well. "Prim had come in that morning for coffee and thought it was funny too, so she took a picture. I had no idea until she gave it to me this morning."

I admired the photo a moment longer before looking up at her and putting it in my pocket. "Thank you," I said, enveloping her in a hug.

She hugged me tightly back. "I'll miss you, Peeta."

I squeezed her again. "I'll miss you too. You have no idea."

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. "We can keep in touch. This doesn't have to be the end."

I nodded, hoping that was true. But we were young. We hadn't even gone to college yet. I knew a lot of friendships were lost and changed after high school. I didn't tell her that, though.

"Of course," I replied. "Thank God for modern technology. With texting and social media it's almost impossible to not stay connected!"

She smiled and I saw the hope in her eyes.

"Do you think you'll come back to visit?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know. I hope so."

Her face fell and she looked down at her feet.

"Maybe you could come visit me," I said excitedly. "We're moving by the beach. You've never even gotten to see the ocean before, Katniss. Think how amazing that would be to see the ocean for the first time with me!"

She blushed a little but couldn't help the smile. "I would like that, Peeta. I really would."

It seemed there was a deeper meaning hidden behind her eyes, but before I had a chance to really understand what it meant, Dad was bounding out of the house.

"Ready to go, Peeta?" he called. "Hey, Katniss!"

Whatever had just passed between us was suddenly over.

"Hey, Mr. Mellark!" she called back. "I was just here to say goodbye."

"I'm glad you did," Dad replied, giving her a hug. "We'll miss you. You'll have to come visit some time!"

She smiled warmly at him. "I would love to."

With that, Dad got in the car. I hugged Katniss one last time and promised her, "I'll keep in touch. I will."

I felt her nod against my shoulder. As she slowly started to pull away, she planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

"You better," she said in a light-hearted voice. I knew she was trying to avoid the sadness that threatened to overwhelm us both.

My cheek was still tingling from where she kissed me and it felt so impossibly good, I suddenly just had to know. I had to know what her lips would feel like on mine. I gently took her face in both of my hands and kissed her on the lips. Not hard or even passionately. But just enough to leave her with something to remember me by.

I half expected her to pull away but she didn't. Her lips briefly molded into mine before we both pulled away, blushing.

"Bye, Katniss," I said, squeezing her hand one last time before walking around the van to get into the passenger seat.

She looked stunned and barely got out the word "bye" before I closed the door and Dad drove away.

That was two years ago now. We had kept in touch. We texted and emailed and chatted on social media. We even talked on the phone every once in awhile. We never brought up that kiss though. And we never brought up anything related to dating. I had gone on a few first dates but nothing ever stuck. None of them were Katniss. I was too afraid of the answer to ask her if she had dated anyone.

We only talked about safe subjects. Like how her family was doing, how the Mellark Cafe was doing since Dad and I had opened it just up the street from the Manhattan Beach Pier, approaching graduation, what majors we were considering for college.

One day we were talking on the phone, when I asked where she was looking to go to college. She said she wasn't really sure and asked me the same thing.

"I decided to go to USC," I replied. "To major in architecture."

"Really? Don't you have to be good at math to major in architecture?" she replied jokingly.

"Good one, Everdeen. But my math skills have significantly improved since elementary school. Thanks to some nerdy girl," I joked back.

"So what you're saying is it's all thanks to this girl that you're even able to major in something that pays as well as architecture. She might demand a portion of your salary. With interest."

I loved when we bantered like this. We always ended up cracking up at the end. God, I missed her.

"You should come with me," I suddenly blurted out, surprising her and myself.

"To USC?" she finally asked, a little hesitantly.

"Yeah!" I replied, trying to sound more confident in my suggestion. "You said you were considering social work, right? They have a program for that! And you've never been able to visit me out here. Katniss, you've still never even seen the ocean. But if you go to college here, you could see it every day!"

She didn't respond. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad yet.

"If you're worried about a job, my dad would definitely hire you on at the cafe. And there are some apartments above it that he just bought and wanted to rent out. You could live there!"

I couldn't help the excitement that crept into my voice. But the possibility of being with Katniss every day again made it difficult to restrain myself.

She hesitated a moment longer before saying, "I guess I could talk to my dad about it. And schedule a college visit."

I almost dropped my phone, I could barely contain my happiness.

"Yes! Talk to your dad!" I replied. "And you could stay with us! We've got some extra room!"

She laughed. "Settle down, Mellark. Nothing is set in stone yet."

"I know. But...I'm just so glad you're considering it. And that I'll get to see you for the first time since I said goodbye to you." I hoped that comment would remind her of the kiss I had left her with that day.

I think it did because I could have sworn I heard her gulp through the phone.

_~Katniss~_

I was a little overwhelmed by the crowds once Dad and I landed at LAX. Our little town in West Virginia probably didn't even have as many people as were in the airport. We worked our way through the crowds to the digital screens showing which baggage claim to go to. Once we'd identified it, I texted Peeta to meet us there.

My Dad and I were able to successfully maneuver through the crowds and eventually found our baggage claim. I held my breath as we drew closer. Waiting to see that dark blonde hair and his smiling face waiting for us.

It had only been two years since I'd seen Peeta, but it felt like longer. A lot had happened after he left. We had graduated from high school and made new friends. Well, that was more of an assumption I'd made about him. He'd never actually said that he'd made new friends, probably to spare my feelings, but I knew him too well. He was too kind and outgoing to not make new friends. Even before he moved, sometimes I would wonder how someone like him was friends with someone like me. I'm sure a lot of other people at school had wondered the same thing. Why the good-looking, friendly son of successful business-owners was close pals with the quiet, unsociable, poor girl. Everybody liked him. Except Gale. But I didn't want to think about him right now. It would only put a damper on my mood.

Suddenly, I spotted him. He hadn't seen me yet. He was checking his phone, probably making sure he was at the right baggage claim. I smiled as I realized he was switching his weight from foot to foot nervously. I was glad he was nervous too.

I took advantage of seeing him before he saw me and looked him over. He was a little taller and more muscular. He told me on the phone once that he'd picked up surfing since he moved out here. I told him I'd always wanted to learn how to surf and he promised that if I ever came to visit, he would teach me. I hoped he remembered that promise.

His face was pretty much the same. Maybe his jaw was a little more defined, but his hair, eyes and lips hadn't changed. When I noticed them, all of the feelings of his goodbye kiss came rushing back to me. I had tried not to think about it over the past couple of years, but I had. More times than I cared to admit. It gave me a weird, but not unpleasant, feeling in my stomach and made my heart race. I had never gone so far as to analyze what all that meant, though. It was too hard to think about since he had moved. But if I came to college here…

Suddenly, he spotted us. His whole face lit up and he smiled so wide I thought his cheeks would start to bleed. I couldn't help but smile back. I tried not to, but my feet seemed to go of their own accord, and, before I even realized it, I was running toward him.

When I reached him, I crashed into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. For a moment, I worried that he was going to fall over but he managed to stay upright and held me back tightly. His warm, strong arms wrapping around my middle. All the nerves where his fingers touched my back seemed to ignite. I had missed this. I had missed him. I knew I wasn't going to be the first to let go.

Finally, he pulled away from me to shake my dad's hand and offer him a greeting. I wasn't even sure what he said, though. My mind was all fuzzy from the way his one hand had stayed wrapped around my waist.

I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back.

"I'm so glad you're here! I have so much to show you!" he said excitedly.

"I'm glad too! I missed you," I replied, wrapping one of my arms around him too.

Somehow, his smile widened even more.

Our luggage finally made its way around the carousel and, of course, Peeta wouldn't even let me touch mine. He carried mine and even offered to carry Dad's. Dad smiled and thanked him but said he was fine.

"Dad's parked just out here, waiting for us," Peeta stated as he led us toward the automatic sliding doors.

Sure enough, Mr. Mellark was waiting in a new silver Toyota Camry. He got out when he saw us approaching.

"Finally upgraded from that old van, I see," I chuckled at Peeta.

He scoffed. "Yeah, the van finally died. Darn it," he said sarcastically, snapping his fingers.

"Hi, Everdeens!" Mr. Mellark said as he came around the car to greet us.

Dad shook his hand and stated, "Thanks so much for letting us stay with you, Graham. We were having a hard time finding a reasonably priced hotel."

"No problem at all!" Mr. Mellark replied, patting him on the shoulder. "We're glad to have you!"

I knew he meant that sincerely. Peeta was so much like his dad. Kind, warm, genuine.

"Good to see you, Katniss!" he said, stepping to me and giving me a hug.

"You too!"

"Well, let's get you two back to our place to get situated and then we can show you around," Mr. Mellark said, opening the trunk of his car and taking our luggage from Dad and Peeta.

The day was quite a whirlwind of sight-seeing. I think Mr. Mellark was just as excited to show us around as Peeta was. First, though, they insisted on taking us to In-and-Out Burger. I had never heard of it, but apparently it's only found on the West Coast so they insisted we had to try it.

When we were done, the Mellark men stared at us from across the table, waiting for our reactions. It was comical how similar they looked, their big blue eyes staring in anticipation. Dad and I laughed and said it was delicious. My favorite part was the chocolate shake, though. I think I could have had eight of those.

They took us all around Los Angeles and Hollywood the rest of the day. Although, by dinner time, Dad and I were getting pretty worn out. The time change was really wearing on us in addition to all the walking and new views.

Thankfully, the Mellark men were also intuitive and figured out we were exhausted.

"I think that's enough for today, Peet, don't you?" Mr. Mellark asked as we drove back to their home in Manhattan Beach.

Peeta immediately picked up on it and said, "Yeah, L.A. is a lot to take in in one day." He was sitting next to me in the back seat and turned to smile at me. "I'd really like to show Katniss the ocean, though."

Suddenly, I didn't feel so tired.

"Oh, of course!" Mr. Mellark said. "Do you want me to drop you off at the cafe to get something to eat and then you can walk down to the beach?"

"That would be great. Thanks, Dad."

The drive to the cafe was full of little beach houses, palm trees and glimpses of what looked like a giant moving reflection of the sky. I guessed that had to be the ocean.

We finally reached the cafe and Peeta and I got out of the car, thanking his dad.

"Just text me when you want me to come pick you up," he hollered out of the car window as he drove away.

I could already smell the ocean on the air. Salty and sweet. The breeze felt amazing flowing through my hair.

"Come on, I'll show you the cafe and we can get something to eat before we head down to watch the sunset," Peeta said, placing his hand on my back gently.

I followed him into the Cafe and was immediately greeted with the smell of coffee and pastries that so reminded me of when we worked together at the cafe in West Virginia. I didn't realize how much I'd missed this smell until now.

"Hey Peeta!" the red-headed girl at the cash register greeted him.

"Hey, Annie!" he greeted back. "How's it going?"

"Good! Can I get you anything?"

Peeta looked at me for a second, and then must have decided that he would order for me. So he ordered both of us a chicken salad sandwich and coconut iced coffees.

"Coconut?" I asked him skeptically.

"It's good, I promise," he replied with a wink.

I shrugged and decided to trust him. He hadn't steered me wrong yet. At least when it came to food.

Fifteen minutes later, I was licking the chicken salad remnants from my fingers and slurping every last drop of the iced coffee through the straw.

"Okay, you were right. That was delicious," I said, leaning back in my chair contentedly.

He smiled. "Glad you liked it. You ready to go to the beach now? It's almost sunset."

I nodded eagerly as he stood up and threw our trash away, then I followed him out the door.

He wasn't kidding when he said the cafe was right up the street from the pier. We had a gorgeous view of the ocean the whole way down the hill. It wasn't quite sunset yet, but the orange and pink hues were already starting to play in the reflection of the water.

I was mesmerized the whole time and barely heard a word Peeta was saying to me as we walked toward the pier.

When we finally reached it, he asked, "Do you want to watch the sunset from here or from down there?" He pointed down to the beach where the waves were lapping at the shore.

"Down there!"

He led us down to the sand and advised me to take my shoes off before we stepped off the concrete sidewalk.

"It's just easier without them," he explained. "Plus, you'll get sand in them anyway, and trust me, it's not a pleasant feeling."

So we both took off our shoes and carried them. The moment my bare feet hit the sand, I couldn't help but sigh. It was still warm from the sun and felt like a little massage on my feet, the way it molded around my heels and toes.

It was surprisingly challenging to walk in the deep sand, though, and I struggled to maintain my balance at first. Peeta noticed and offered his hand. I didn't really need him for balance at that point, but I took his hand anyway. Did he notice the sparks that tingled between our fingers?

When we finally reached the edge of the water, I let out a breath.

"It's so beautiful," I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back. But he wasn't looking at the water.

I turned my face to hide my blush from him.

"Do you want to get in?" he asked.

"In my clothes?"

He laughed. "No, I mean, just your feet," he elaborated.

"Oh," I chuckled. "Yeah."

We both took a step together into the darker, wet sand where the tide was swelling. The first gentle wave of water that hit my feet was a little shocking. It was chilly and I could feel all the little grains of sand rushing over, under and around my feet. When the tide pulled back out, I noticed my feet were buried in the sand.

"This is amazing!" I said.

"Let's go out a little more," he suggested, rolling up his pant legs so they wouldn't get wet.

I did the same, and then we both took a few more steps into the water, letting it rush around our legs and ankles. I was entranced by the feeling of the ocean. Even here, in the shallows, I could feel the power and mystery of it. I knew Peeta was watching me, but I pretended not to notice.

"Oh, hey, the sun's setting," he said quietly, running his fingers down the back of my arm.

We turned our heads to watch the sun set. I didn't think there had ever been anything so beautiful as a sunset on the beach. The colors of the sky reflected in the ocean waters, turning everything into soft shades of orange, gold, purple and pink. It was breathtaking.

Peeta and I watched it in companionable silence, letting the waves continue to lap over our feet.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever," he stated quietly, as if he were sharing a secret with me.

I looked into his eyes that reflected the sunset just like the ocean waters, before I replied, "Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

_~Peeta~_

The next day, Dad and I tagged along on Katniss's college visit to USC. After the official tour of the campus, our dads offered to go buy our textbooks and other school supplies at the bookstore while we went exploring. We thanked them and headed off, but we ended up just sitting in a grassy area shaded by a giant tree.

"So...what do you think?" I asked hesitantly.

"I really like it!" she replied, smiling. "To be honest, I didn't think I would. But I like it here on the West Coast. And I think I could get comfortable here."

She moved her hand just then and our fingers brushed. I wasn't sure if she did that on purpose or not.

"Well, let's not forget the most important thing. You'd get to be with your devilishly handsome best friend," I said, waggling my eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes and punched my shoulder. "Whatever you say, Mellark."

But she was smiling.

"On a more serious note, how do your dad and Prim feel about you moving here?" I asked.

She looked down at the grass between us. "I think...I think they'll be sad. And it will be hard for them. But I think they want me to be happy and have my own life. No Everdeen has gone to college before. I would be the first. And I think my dad is really proud of that."

"He should be proud," I replied. "You've worked really hard, Katniss."

"I know," she said sadly. "But I'll miss them too."

I nodded in understanding. "You can go visit them. And they can visit you here."

She nodded. "I know they don't have much money, but Dad said he and Prim would visit me here at Christmas."

"That would be great! We could all have Christmas together!" I stated excitedly.

She looked up at me and smiled. "That would be really fun."

We sat under the tree for a bit longer before we finally agreed we needed some caffeine and walked to the closest Starbucks.

That evening, Katniss and I went back to the Cafe for dinner, just the two of us. She got another coconut iced coffee but tried a different sandwich this time. When we were done, we walked down to the beach again, laughing and joking and probably touching each other a little more than necessary.

When we got to the beach, Katniss quickly tore off her sandals and ran toward the water. Caught off guard, I struggled for a moment to pull my own shoes off before racing after her. When she reached the edge of the water, she surprised me by suddenly pulling off the sun dress she was wearing, revealing a dark green bikini underneath.

I stood, frozen. Mesmerized by the way the bikini hugged her curves and complemented her tanned skin.

"Are you coming?" she called back to me as she ran into the water.

I was already wearing my swimming trunks so I yanked my shirt over my head, tossed it down with my shoes next to her clothes and ran out to catch her in the rolling waves.

For having never been in the ocean before, she was pretty good at diving under the waves and keeping her head above the water. She was quick, but since I had picked up surfing shortly after we moved here, I was quicker. I remembered how she would always beat me when we raced around back in the woods back home. But the water was my territory. I eventually reached her and caught her around the middle. She squealed in surprise and playfully struggled against me to break free.

I thought I had managed to get control over my hormones a few years ago, but apparently that was not entirely true when it came to Katniss Everdeen. The way she was writhing in my arms, all the contact of our bare skin and the way her backside kept rubbing against my groin was making it impossibly difficult to maintain control of my body's natural reactions.

The moment I realized I was getting hard I let her go and backed away a little bit. She was definitely reciprocating the flirting, but I wasn't sure how she would react to that. She splashed me when she was free of me and I was thankful for the way it cooled me off - in more ways than one.

I splashed her back and before long we were both spluttering salt water and rubbing it out of our eyes. We continued swimming in the water, our toes just barely skimming the sand beneath us. We would jump to keep our heads above the water of the swells and would dive under the waves breaking before us. It wasn't until the sun had already set and the sky was darkening that we stopped and started wading back toward the shore.

When we got to the shallows, I adjusted my swimming trunks, seeing they had sunk pretty low on my hips from the tide's pull. I tried not to look while Katniss adjusted her bikini top, but I caught a glimpse of the side of her breast and nearly face-planted in the wet sand.

She looked back at me with mild concern when I stumbled but then laughed when she saw I had kept myself upright.

"You okay?" she asked, still catching her breath from fighting against the tide.

"Perfect," I replied, giving her a brilliant smile.

She smiled back.

When we found our clothes, all covered in sand on the dry part of the beach, she started wringing out her braid and then pulled the hair tie out of it to redo it since it was just a tangled, wet mess. For as long as I had known her, that had been her preferred hairstyle. But it suited her well.

"Once you move here, I could teach you how to surf," I said, pulling my shirt over my head.

"You remembered!" she exclaimed.

Of course, I remembered my promise to teach her how to surf. "Of course!" I replied. "Do you still want to learn?"

She nodded enthusiastically as she pulled her dress back on.

"It's a date, then," I said, winking at her before I picked up my shoes to start walking back to the street.

That night, I was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep knowing that this was Katniss's last night here. I tried to remind myself that she was coming back in less than three months. But now that we were together again, it was going to be harder to say goodbye. Even if it wasn't for as long this time.

Suddenly, the door to my room quietly creaked open and I saw Katniss's silhouette creeping in. She must have snuck out of the guest room she was sleeping in. I don't know how her dad didn't hear her creeping past where he was sleeping on the couch in the living room. I knew Mr. Everdeen liked me, but I don't think he would be thrilled about his daughter sneaking into my bedroom at two o'clock in the morning.

I sat up and whispered, "Katniss? What are you doing?"

"Shh, just scoot over," she whispered back as she closed the door again and climbed into my bed.

Holy shit. Katniss Everdeen was in my bed. Get it together, Mellark.

I had scooted over enough so that our bodies weren't touching, even though I desperately wanted to close the space between us.

"I couldn't sleep," she said. "I'm sad that I'm leaving you again tomorrow. Or...I guess today."

"Me too," I replied, hesitantly reaching for her hand. I found it under the covers and she squeezed mine in response. "But it's only for a little while this time, right? You're really going to USC?"

"Yeah," she nodded eagerly. "I talked to my dad about it earlier and he agreed that it was a great school. He said he thought I would be really happy here."

"That's great, Katniss. I can't wait for you to move here."

"Me either," she said, her hand letting go of mine and tracing her fingers up my arm.

I could feel my heart start to race, I involuntarily - or maybe it was voluntarily, it was hard to tell - moved closer to her so that our legs and arms were touching. I heard her let out a breath.

"I missed you so much, Katniss," I whispered, tucking a few strands of her hair behind her ear and letting my fingers linger there.

"I missed you too, Peeta," she replied breathily.

The next thing I knew, she was leaning in to kiss me. It was a hesitant kiss, but warm and full. I kissed her back, letting her lips mold to mine and bringing my hand by her ear to the back of her head to pull her closer.

Her own hands reached around my back and held me tightly. Our kissing changed into something more passionate. It wasn't frenzied, but it was slow and full of heat. Our tongues tentatively reached out to each other and we kept angling our heads differently to somehow get closer and deeper.

I could feel my nether regions responding, but this wasn't that kind of kiss, so I made sure to keep my hips angled away from hers. This was the kind of kiss that held so much feeling behind it that I could barely breathe. The kind of kiss that said, "I've felt this way for a long time." The kind of kiss that showed how well we knew and understood each other. One that could hold the promise of a lifetime.

When we finally pulled away, we were breathing heavily, staring into each other's eyes.

"Wow," I finally whispered breathily. "Now you have to come back to me in a few months."

Katniss smiled. I could see her teeth shining in the moonlight that came in from my window. "I will. I promise."

We stayed there for a moment longer, my fingers playing with her hair and her hands resting on my chest, before she finally gave me one last peck on the lips and rose from the bed.

"Good night, Peeta," she whispered as she slipped back out of the room.

_~Katniss~_

I couldn't sleep. I was too wound up from swimming with Peeta at the beach. By the way he'd been acting, I was pretty sure he had feelings for me. It was only confirmed when I pulled my dress off on the beach, revealing my bikini underneath. I thought he was going to catch fire or something with the way he was looking at me.

When we played in the water, him holding me and touching me had made me feel things I'd never felt before. Not even with Gale. Every place he touched seem to ignite something in me and I wanted him to touch me more. And then I understood what he'd been feeling when he first saw me in my bikini. When we were walking back to shore, his swim trunks had sunk dangerously low on his waist, revealing the v-lines of his hips. I had swallowed thickly and distracted myself by adjusting my own bathing suit.

My mind ran through the scene over and over again while I laid in the guest room at the Mellarks' house, trying to sleep. Eventually, I gave up and decided to sneak into Peeta's room, putting the tracking skills my dad had taught me in the woods to good use so that I wouldn't wake him.

I knew Peeta was surprised when I came in, but the fact that he was awake told me he probably had the same thing on his mind. When I crawled into bed with him, I could see the picture I had given him of us at the Cafe back in West Virginia in a frame on his nightstand. I smiled at the memory.

I hadn't gone in there with the intentions of kissing him. I just wanted to talk. To see him, inhale his scent and feel his fingers in mine before I said goodbye again. Even if it was only for a little while this time. But the closeness I felt with him then made it nearly impossible to resist the urge to kiss him. We were like magnets, pulling toward each other despite the distance that had been between us.

After I'd gone back to my room, guilt started to creep in. I hadn't told him about Gale yet. I wondered how he would respond. I rarely saw Peeta get angry, but I had a feeling this would upset him. He never liked Gale. And Gale never liked him. Looking back, I wondered if it was jealousy that they felt toward each other.

I would have to tell Peeta at some point that Gale and I had been in a relationship for awhile. I just didn't know how to or when. Eventually, I wore myself out with all the thinking and fell asleep.

The next morning, Mr. Mellark had woken up early to prepare a big breakfast for all of us. It was delicious, as the Mellarks' food always was. We had chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs and hot coffee. I thought I even tasted a hint of coconut in it.

Peeta and I had sat next to each other around the circular table, our knees touching the whole time we ate. He had a stupid grin on his face the whole time and I started to get worried that Dad would figure out what happened the night before. I gave Peeta a look, hoping that we still had the ability to communicate without words. He got the hint, and was able to barely suppress his smile.

When it was finally time to leave for the airport, Peeta helped Dad load our luggage into the trunk of his dad's car and we all piled in to leave. Peeta and I sat in the back seat in silence most of the way while our dads talked, but suddenly, I felt his hand grabbing mine from where it rested on my leg.

I looked at him and smiled sadly. He squeezed it in return, the same sad look in his eyes.

Saying goodbye was somehow harder this time than it was last time. I gave Mr. Mellark a hug while Peeta shook Dad's hand, and then Mr. Mellark suggested he go in with Dad to help check in the luggage. Like I said, those Mellark men were intuitive, and with the wink Mr. Mellark left us with, I knew he was giving us a moment alone to say goodbye.

Peeta looked at me sadly and then wrapped me in the warmest, tightest hug he had ever given me. I could barely breathe, but I didn't want him to let go. My arms wound around his neck and I squeezed him back with equal measure.

"It's only until August, Peeta," I said quietly, trying to remind myself that it was almost June so it wasn't that far away.

"I know," he replied. "I just hate saying goodbye to you."

I understood perfectly. I felt the same way. We finally pulled apart and Peeta looked hesitant for a moment, but then he gently took my face in his hands, just like he did the last time we said goodbye, and he kissed me fully on the mouth. The kiss didn't last long, but it left me breathless all the same.

"Just something to remember me by," Peeta said with a wink. "Think of what you'll be missing if you don't come back."

I laughed. "You mean, what you'll be missing," I replied, giving him a short but sultry kiss.

When I pulled away, his eyes were closed. "Yeah," he let out with a sigh. "Yeah, I'll definitely be missing that."

I chuckled at him and said, "I'll be back before you know it, Mellark."

"I'll be counting down the days, Everdeen."

With that, I walked into the airport, aggressively reminding myself it was only until August.

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

My last class of the day had just ended when I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I hoisted my backpack onto my shoulder and pulled my phone out to see Peeta's face lighting up the screen. I involuntarily smiled.

"Hey, Peeta," I said as I answered his call.

"Hey! Your class over?" he asked.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Well, I thought I would finally keep my promise to you." I could hear him smiling through the phone. "Do you want to go surfing today?"

I picked up my pace as I headed toward the parking garage. "Yes! I'm heading toward the car now!"

"Okay, I'll meet you back at your apartment." With that, I hung up the phone and practically sprinted toward the parking garage. We had been sharing his SUV since I didn't have one yet. But it was fairly easy to carpool since we had both moved into apartments above the cafe. Every other day we rode together to classes, but on Thursdays he didn't have class so I drove by myself.

It took me awhile to get home with traffic, but when I finally arrived, Peeta was waiting there on my couch in his board shorts and a white t-shirt. He had a key since technically his dad owned the apartments. He didn't charge us rent, but in return we both worked at least twenty hours a week at the cafe. It was an easy trade. We liked working at the cafe.

Peeta could have stayed with his dad, but recently his dad had started seeing someone named Cecelia and, in Peeta's words, it got a little "awkward" one morning when he walked out in his boxers to make coffee and she was standing there in the kitchen wearing only his dad's shirt.

It was less than a day later that Peeta said he wanted to move out. At first Mr. Mellark protested, but then when Peeta finally convinced him it was better for both of them, Peeta said he offered to let him move into one of the apartments above the cafe. So now we lived across the hall from each other, although, most of our time was spent on campus, down in the cafe or at the beach.

Our relationship was progressing slowly, which was fine with me. We kissed sometimes, but it was nothing like it was that night in his bed before I left. I wasn't sure how I felt about having a boyfriend yet and Peeta never pushed the subject, so we stayed content to just continue flirting, kiss occasionally and spend a lot of time together. And anyway, we were still getting used to being together again. Getting to know each other again.

"Hey," I greeted Peeta as he stood from the couch.

"Hey back," he replied, coming over to give me a peck on the cheek. "You ready to go surfing?"

"Yeah, I just need to change," I said as I dropped my heavy backpack on the floor with a loud thud.

"Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you," he said, walking back to the couch and leaning down to pick something up in front of it. He stood back up and handed me a little brown bag.

I opened it and pulled out what looked like a stretchy, black t-shirt. I was a little confused and Peeta must have picked up on it because he said, "It's to wear when you surf. It prevents you from getting a rash from the wax on the board."

"Oh!" I stated. "Thanks, Peeta! I'll go put it on now!"

I ran back into my bedroom and quickly tugged off my clothes. I rifled through the drawer with all the new swimming suits I'd acquired over the past couple months, searching for the one with tight shorts that seemed more practical for surfing. Once I'd found it along with the bikini top, I put it all on, including the new surfing shirt Peeta gave me. It fit perfectly.

I stepped back out of my bedroom, announcing that I was ready to go. I saw Peeta's eyes glance down at my legs, but he quickly yanked them back up to my face.

"The shirt looks great! Let's go!"

I followed him out the door, locking it behind me and then followed him into his apartment to retrieve the surfboards. His was more brightly colored with shades of orange on it, while mine was decorated in green hues.

We carried them down the narrow stairs, careful not to bang them on the walls, and headed down the hill to the beach.

It was a great day for surfing. The September sun was warm and the waves were perfect for surfing beginners. Not too big, but big enough to provide a bit of a challenge. I preferred it that way.

Peeta showed me how to wax my board once we were at the beach and then we were laying on our bellies on the boards, paddling out into the surf. It wasn't as challenging to swim on the board as I'd expected, but it was a bit exhausting.

We spent the rest of the day on the water. Peeta was a patient teacher even though I was a frustrated student. I had quickly learned how to get on the board, it was keeping my balance on the board that was difficult. I ended up flailing in the water with salt water up my nose more times than I could count but I didn't want to give up. I wanted to learn.

Finally, after what felt like the hundredth time, I got so frustrated after being swiped off the board by a wave that I started yelling at Peeta. I wasn't really angry with him, but I knew it was coming out that way.

"I can't fucking do it, Peeta!" I screamed as I clung to the side of my board.

Suddenly, another surfer was paddling by, laughing. His skin was deeply tanned, presumably from being in the sun all the time, and his bronze hair was lighter on the ends. More evidence of being in the sun for long periods of time. What I could see of his upper body was muscular and defined. He had to have been surfing for years longer than Peeta to be looking like that, though he looked to only be a few years older.

"Sounds like you've got a bit of an angry student there, Peet," the stranger bellowed at us.

I looked at Peeta, wondering who this person was that apparently felt comfortable enough around Peeta to call him "Peet." Peeta looked a little panicked. I'm sure he was worried that this guy's words would only make me angrier. He was right, they did.

"And who the hell are you?" I demanded.

The surfer just laughed, not offended at all by my rudeness. "She's a feisty one, not like the other girls I've seen you around with, eh?"

My heart suddenly rose to my throat. Other girls? What other girls?

Peeta's eyes flew to mine in panic. He must have seen the look on my face and his own cheeks grew bright red.

"Katniss, this is Finnick," Peeta said, cutting Finnick off. "He's one of the lifeguards here. But apparently he's off today."

I couldn't bring myself to smile at Finnick. I'd never been good at meeting new people and I was just fine with that. Finnick still didn't seem deterred by my foul mood though.

"This is Katniss," Peeta continued as if nothing was wrong, even though the look on his face indicated that he knew things were not okay between us right now. "She's a friend from back home in West Virginia. She just moved here to go to USC."

"Nice to meet you, Katniss," Finnick said with that stupid grin still on his face. "Learning to surf, are we?"

"Trying to," I grumbled out.

"I think we're going to stop for today, though," Peeta said, seeing that the sky was starting to darken.

I noticed for the first time how dark the water was surrounding me too. It startled me a bit. Who knows what could be lurking beneath the surface?

Without another word, I climbed back onto my board and started paddling toward shore.

"Nice to meet you, Katniss!" Finnick called after me.

I heard Peeta say something angrily to him but didn't catch what he said. I didn't really care. I was so angry and frustrated with everything right now.

Once I reached the shore, I quickly found my shoes and started stomping off toward the cafe up the street, not bothering to see if Peeta had gotten out of the water behind me.

Before long, though, I heard his heavy tread racing to catch up to me.

"Katniss, wait," he called, his breath ragged from running.

I didn't stop.

"Katniss, come on," he said as I felt his hand grab my wrist.

I jerked my arm free and continued stomping away.

"Katniss, please just stop and talk to me!" I could hear the frustration in his voice now too.

I stopped abruptly and whirled around to look at him. He almost ran into me I stopped so suddenly. "I thought we didn't keep secrets, Peeta! Other girls?! How many were there?"

Peeta's face turned red before he answered. "It wasn't like that, Katniss. None of them ever stuck! That's why I didn't bother to tell you!"

I huffed and started to turn to keep stomping up the hill but he grabbed my arm, his grip firmer this time so I couldn't get away. I could tell by his body language that he was getting angry.

"Why does it bother you so much?" he demanded. "Did you date other guys?"

I felt my own face flush at that. I knew I was being hypocritical. Gale had been my boyfriend for a little while. I somehow knew that would hurt Peeta more than it hurt me to hear he'd gone on a few dates with a few girls.

He saw my hesitancy and let go of my arm. "Seriously, Katniss? You're mad at me and you dated other people too?"

"It was only one person!" I yelled back. "And it only lasted a few months."

His eyes grew dark. He knew. He knew it was Gale.

"Was it...Gale?" he asked in a low voice.

"Peeta-" I started to argue but he cut me off.

"Was it, Katniss?"

I hesitated a moment longer before I replied yes in a small voice.

It was his turn to storm away in anger. And I didn't blame him. So I let him walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

_~Peeta~_

I had never felt betrayed by Katniss before. Until now. How could she have dated him? And I was pretty sure it had been more than dating since she said it lasted for a few months. I tried to remind myself that a few months wasn't very long, but of all the guys in high school, it had to be him?

Katniss knew that Gale and I didn't like each other. She didn't know why, though. And she never really asked. I had never told her and I was almost certain Gale hadn't either. It would only make him look bad.

_The winter of my seventh grade year was one of the worst we'd ever had. Blizzards were frequent, snow depths reached up to several feet, all the rivers and ponds had frozen over. School was actually cancelled a few times, which rarely happened._

_Katniss and I had a routine of meeting each other in the woods on Sundays, and I decided to assume she would still be there one Sunday after it had snowed the whole night before. In hindsight, it was a stupid decision. But my hormones were raging and they convinced me that risking my life to see her was worth it._

_Katniss was smarter than me, though. Or at least Mr. Everdeen was and hadn't allowed her to go. I had trudged through a mile or so of snow, in addition to hiking through town on the icy streets, just to find out she wasn't there. Whether that was her decision or her dad's, I never found out._

_Gale, however, was there. He was in ninth grade at the time. He was about done with puberty and so he towered over me. Somehow, he knew the giant rock by the river was the place Katniss and I always met. He had probably followed us before._

_When he saw me, his face showed signs of disappointment before giving way to disgust. I had assumed he had been waiting for Katniss. I knew they were familiar with each other; their fathers worked together and were friends. It had always been clear that he wasn't fond of me, but I had never quite figured out why until that day._

_"What are you doing out here, Mellark?" he demanded to know._

_"I was just coming to meet Katniss, but I guess she's not here," I replied calmly. "Why are you here?"_

_"Katniss was here," he replied, sneering slightly. "But she already saw who she came to see."_

_I felt my face flush more than it already was from the cold. Was he serious? No, he couldn't be. But he held my stare and it started to unsettle me._

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice cracking a little from stupid puberty. "We always meet here on Sundays."

_"Well, she decided to meet me today. And this is our spot now. So, you can just head on home, little boy."_

_I don't know what came over me when those words left his lips. But something hot flared inside me. I jumped up on the rock and came at him until we were toe-to-toe. Again, a stupid decision since he was a good deal taller than me._

_"Katniss would never come here with you. This is our spot. You're the one who should go home," I seethed._

_He laughed then and gave me a little push._

__

__

_"And what if I don't?" he said with that dumb sneer still on his face._

_I pushed him back. I was strong for my age from wrestling, but it wasn't enough to knock this freshman tree over._

_He let out another infuriating laugh and then pushed me again so that I stumbled backward. And then he just kept pushing me. Until, unbeknownst to me, we were at the edge of the rock and his next push sent me backward into the frozen river._

_I probably should have felt pain from landing flat on my back on ice, but the only thing I felt was the shock from the frigid water as the ice shattered beneath me and the water swallowed me. The river wasn't very deep, and I landed roughly on the bottom and something hard collided with my right shoulder. Pain shot through my arm and I struggled to resurface._

_Once I emerged from the icy water, the first thing I noticed was that Gale was no longer standing on the rock overlooking the water, and the second thing I noticed was the branch protruding over the river. I quickly grabbed onto it with my left hand, my right arm still throbbing, and pulled myself to shore, slipping in the slushy snow and ice._

_I stood there for a moment, catching my breath and collecting myself, trying to assess how badly my shoulder was damaged. I could barely move it without yelling in pain._

_I eventually made my way back home, hypothermia nearly settled in by the time I got there. Mom and Dad had fussed at me, wondering how in the world I had gotten soaked. Although, I think Mom was more concerned over the water I was tracking into the house._

_I told them I had slipped on the rock and fell in the river, opting not to say anything about Gale. Clearly, this guy had it out for me and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire by throwing around accusations of him wanting to kill me. I didn't think anyone would really believe me anyway. So I didn't even tell Katniss what really happened._

My shoulder had ended up being worse off than we initially thought. It was dislocated and minorly fractured. I wasn't able to wrestle the rest of that season, which really bummed me out. Wrestling was my way of letting out frustrations over things going on at home. The arguing between Mom and Dad had been getting worse. It was a really rough winter for me. So the hatred Gale felt toward me became mutual. We typically avoided each other at all costs. I think he was always a little worried that I would tell Katniss what he did, but I never told her. And now that I knew he had swooped in the moment I was gone, I regretted not telling Katniss what had really happened.

I finally reached my apartment and slammed the door behind me. I threw my surfboard onto the living room floor and began pacing, trying to calm myself.

Not a minute later, I could hear Katniss knocking softly at the door.

"Peeta?" she called meekly through the door. "Can we please talk?"

I didn't answer, but she tried the doorknob, found it unlocked and walked in anyway.

She closed the door again behind her and just stood in front of the door, silently watching me pace the room.

"Peeta-" she finally began, but I cut her off.

"I don't understand you, Katniss," I stated angrily. I knew I surprised her by my tone. I never talked to her like this. But I couldn't help it now. "You get angry - no, furious - with me for dating a few girls, but then you drop a bomb that you were in a relationship with the one guy in high school that I didn't like!"

Now it was her turn to be angry again. Her eyes narrowed.

"Just because you didn't like him, doesn't mean I wasn't allowed to date him!" she yelled back. "Why don't you like him anyway? Were you just jealous?"

I flinched at her words. I stopped pacing and closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself before I responded.

"That's not the reason," I began more calmly. "But it's not your fault that you don't know the reason because I never told you."

She looked at me questioningly before I asked her if she would sit down with me on the couch. She hesitantly obliged and then I explained to her what had happened all those years ago at the river.

Her eyes grew more and more furious the further I went. I got a little nervous that she was mad at me for not telling her the truth, so when I finished I said, "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you the truth. I just didn't think it would ever matter whether I told you or not. I didn't think he would become a part of your life." I couldn't look in her eyes as I said the last part. It still hurt to know she had dated him. She had been his girlfriend. Images of them together, kissing and more, flew through my head but I shook it slightly to block them out.

Katniss sighed. "I wish you would have told me. But I guess it's not fair to be mad that you kept some secrets since I obviously did too."

"Not telling you about the girls I dated...I wasn't trying to keep it a secret. I just...never went on more than one date with any of them, so I didn't think it was worth saying anything," I replied, gently taking her hand.

"Then why did that Finnick guy make that comment about how I was different than the girls you normally hung out with?" she asked. I could see her shoulders tense up a bit and could feel my cheeks blushing.

"Well, I stayed friends with a couple of them. But nothing more," I added quickly seeing her eyes narrow again.

We sat in silence for a moment. I was trying to decide if I should ask her about her relationship with Gale. Did I want to know?

"With Gale," she began quietly. "It only lasted about six months. He had just graduated the summer that you left and started working with my dad and his dad, so he came around pretty often. Things just went from there."

"What happened? That made you break up?" I asked.

"Well, it took six months for his real side to show. And I did not like it at all. So I broke up with him," she smiled a little.

I couldn't help the satisfaction I felt over knowing Katniss had broken up with him. We sat in silence again for a little while before she said, "Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you another secret?"

"Of course."

"I applied to USC way before you asked me to come here," she practically whispered.

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You had expressed to me right after Christmas break that you were thinking you wanted to go to USC. I wasn't totally sure if I wanted to go there yet, but I applied anyway," she explained.

"Why?" I asked.

Her cheeks blushed a little as she replied, "Because I wanted to be with you again."

I stared at her for a long moment, stunned at this news.

"Did I freak you out?" Katniss asked worriedly.

"No! Not at all. I'm just...surprised. But in a good way," I smiled. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"None of those girls I dated stuck because they weren't you."

Now she was stunned. Her mouth fell open and the color rose to her cheeks again. "What do you mean?" she asked breathlessly.

But instead of letting my words explain, I decided to use my lips. I leaned in and captured her lips with my own. They tasted salty from the ocean water we were in just a half an hour ago, but somehow it was seductive on her mouth.

She allowed her own lips to relax into mine as my hands came up to hold her face. This kiss quickly became different any of our previous kisses. Almost immediately it became frenzied, like the tension that had been between us was suddenly broken and reverberated throughout the room, the vibrations running through our skin.

Our tongues reached out to each other and we searched for ways to deepen the angle of our kiss. Our hot breath mingled between us, but we barely came up for air, so desperate were we to explore where this would take us.

Eventually, she leaned back on the couch, her head resting on the arm, while I followed and hovered over her. I was keenly aware how little clothing we were wearing and that my board shorts weren't going to do much in hiding my ever-growing arousal.

But when a bit of my restraint fell away and I slightly pushed my hips into hers to let her feel my desire for her, a little moan escaped her throat.

I easily lost track of time as our kiss grew more heated and I continued to let my hips gently rock into hers, each time being rewarded with a moan from her. A few times I let my lips wander down to her neck, not thinking about the kind of marks I would leave there. But the sighs of pleasure I got in return, just made me more delirious with want.

Eventually, the heat died down down and our kissing changed from desperate searches to soft, languid pecks. She made room for me to lie next to her on the couch so I didn't have to continue hovering over her. We got comfortable, my arms around her as we faced each other.

I couldn't help the dumb smile that was on my face. But I felt a little better seeing the one on hers.

Suddenly she broke the silence with a laugh in her voice, "For the record, I never did anything like that with Gale."

_~Katniss~_

That kiss, or makeout session - whatever you want to call it - changed everything. The next day, Peeta had let the word "girlfriend" slip out and I didn't correct him, so it stuck. I was his girlfriend. He was my boyfriend. It still felt weird to say that, even a month later as Halloween approached.

Finnick was having a party at his place with a bunch of his lifeguard and surfer friends, so we got invited.

I had gotten better at surfing over the past few weeks and was finally starting to feel more confident on my board. Finnick had even come over to give me some tips in addition to Peeta's. I couldn't believe it, but I was actually starting to think Finnick wasn't such a bad guy. In fact, I kinda liked him. I understood why he and Peeta were friends. They were both friendly, outgoing and charming. Which was why I wasn't surprised at how many girls showed up at the party.

I tried not to be jealous when several girls wearing various sexy costumes came up to Peeta to say hi. But he always knew how to make me feel better and introduced me to them as, "My girlfriend, Katniss."

We had dressed up as our favorite superheroes for the party. I was Wonder Woman and he was Captain America. I had felt sexy in the costume but now, seeing how the other girls were dressed, I realized my standards of sexy were way different than theirs. I wasn't showing off nearly enough cleavage according to their standards. But I reminded myself of Peeta's reaction when he had first seen the costume on me and felt a little better. He had barely kept his hands off of me the whole night.

Our physical relationship was slowly progressing. We'd had many more make-out sessions since the very first one. Our hands had started to roam more but we never ventured beneath each other's clothes. He had touched my backside and skimmed my breasts once, but I had only ventured to touch his chest and backside as well.

I couldn't believe I was thinking this way, but I hoped things would go a little further tonight. I didn't mind taking things slow, but the way his costume complemented his chest muscles and hips was making it hard to focus on anything else. He had caught me staring at him more than once, and each time I felt the color rush to my cheeks.

Suddenly, we were each given a mixed drink and got sucked into playing a drinking game called Kings Cup with Finnick, two lifeguard friends named Cato and Johanna and two blonde girls named Glimmer and Delly. I had never really drank much before, but I suspected Peeta had since he seemed familiar with the game. There were a lot of rules, and at first I had a hard time keeping up with them, but eventually I caught on.

Glimmer and Delly were flirting with Peeta throughout the entire game like I wasn't even there. I couldn't help but wonder if these were two of the girls he had gone on a date with. He was friendly toward them but didn't flirt back, and he kept his hand on my knee under the table, reassuring me.

They kept targeting him for drinks, though. Any opportunity they had to assign a drink, they would choose him. And when the card indicating we had to play "Never Have I Ever" came up, they said, "Never have I ever gone to USC," and "Never have I ever worked at a cafe." I ended up having to drink for both of those things too, but it definitely seemed like they were trying to get him drunk.

Unfortunately, it worked. Peeta, who was normally very well-spoken, started slurring his words and acting goofy.

Finnick was laughing, "Are you drunk, Peet?"

"I dunno what-cher talking about," Peeta said, leaning forward and spilling his fourth drink down the front of his costume.

"Awww man," Peeta said, trying to get up but stumbling into the table.

"I think I better get him home," I replied, thankful that I hadn't drank very much so I could drive us.

"Aww, but we're just getting started," Glimmer stated, giving me a dirty look.

"Well, I don't think he's going to be very comfortable wearing wet clothes the rest of the night," I replied indignantly.

"I'm sure Finnick has clothes he can change into. I can help you with him if you want," Delly added. I knew what they were doing.

Suddenly, Peeta stumbled again and fell into me. I caught him around the middle, his face inches from mine.

"He can't even stand up straight. I'm taking him home," I said firmly.

Peeta suddenly jerked his head toward Finnick. "Did Katniss Everdeen just say she's taking me home?"

Finnick busted out laughing and I couldn't help the color that rose to my cheeks. But I got a little satisfaction out of the disappointed looks Glimmer and Delly exchanged.

"Yes, Peeta, I'm taking you home," I replied with confidence.

Finnick rose from his seat. "I'll help you get him to the car," he said still chuckling at Peeta.

"Thanks," I replied, allowing Finnick to hold up Peeta's right side while I took the left.

We finally made it to the car, where Peeta sagged into the passenger seat, still slurring out nonsense.

"Thanks again," I stated to Finnick, shaking my head at Peeta.

"No problem! I've never seen Peeta this drunk," he replied, laughing again. "Thanks for coming. Drive safe."

"I will," I replied as I started up the SUV and headed home, waving goodbye to Finnick.

It took me forever to get Peeta up the stairs and into his apartment. He had gotten significantly more quiet since we had driven home and kept complaining about being dizzy.

We were just about to his bedroom, when he suddenly veered into the bathroom, lifted up the toilet seat and vomited into the toilet. I followed him in and rubbed his back while he vomited a few more times.

It must have sobered him up because, when he was finally done, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and said, "I'm sorry, Katniss. I didn't want to end the night like this."

I didn't either. I'd definitely had more...sexy...things in mind than sitting here watching him vomit, but I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him.

I helped him stand up to get to the sink where he swished around some mouthwash and splashed some water on his face.

"Better?" I asked.

"Ugh..not really," he replied, putting a hand to his head.

"Well, let's get you to bed."

I managed to get him into bed and was taking off his boots when he started speaking again.

"I had imagined tonight going very differently," he said, still slurring a bit.

"What did you imagine?" I asked, a little curious and hoping that he would be more truthful in his drunken state.

"Well, ever since I first saw you in that Wonder Woman costume, I've been imagining a lot of things," he stated matter-of-factly. "But I don't think Wonder Woman wants to get with a drunk Captain America at the moment."

He chuckled a little at himself and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's okay, Peeta. I'm sure there will be more time for that."

He was snoring softly by the time I managed to get his costume off of him, thinking it would definitely not be comfortable to sleep in. I made myself ignore the fact that he was lying before me in only his boxers, realizing that I didn't want to see him in his underwear for the first time this way. I went to fetch something to drink and some medicine for him to distract myself.

As I set the glass of water and aspirin capsules on his nightstand, I noticed the picture of us again. I smiled at it, really noticing for the first time how we were looking at each other in the picture. How long had we felt this way toward each other? It was obvious to me now that we'd felt this way for a long time.

I leaned down to pull the sheets up to cover him and then gently kissed his forehead. I was about to leave when his hand suddenly darted out from under the covers and grabbed mine.

"Stay?" he asked simply.

I didn't even hesitate. I tore off my boots and walked to the other side of the bed to crawl in next to him.

My back pressed to his front and his arm wound over me to pull me close.

I had just thought he had fallen asleep again when I suddenly heard him mumble, "I love you, Katniss."


	4. Chapter 4

_~Peeta~_

The throbbing in my skull was nearly unbearable. It woke me up abruptly from my fitful sleep and I rolled over to try to get more comfortable when I collided with another body. My eyes snapped open which only made my head pound harder.

Katniss was lying next to me. In my bed. The sheets were pulled down to her waist and I noticed she was wearing one of my USC t-shirts. Her hair was messy and I could feel her bare leg touching my own under the covers. And then I realized I was only wearing my boxers.

My heart started racing. Did we…? God, I hoped not. I couldn't remember anything after we left Finnick's party last night. I would never forgive myself if I had sex with Katniss Everdeen while being so intoxicated that I couldn't even remember it the next morning.

I thought about waking her up and asking her, but then I thought about how she would feel if we had and I didn't remember it. I would have to think of a way to ask without being overly obvious.

Suddenly, a violent wave of nausea hit me and I leaped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom where I vomited into the toilet. Once the heaving subsided, I took a look around, trying to remember the previous night. I noticed the open mouthwash bottle on the sink and realized I must have thrown up then too.

Great, I thought. I'm sure that was sexy as hell.

I splashed some cold water on my face and then groggily made my way back to the bedroom where I found Katniss sitting up against the headboard.

She smiled shyly at me. "Good morning," she said.

I groaned in response as I collapsed onto the bed, face-down. All sense of indecency I felt over being in just my boxers had gone out the window the moment I realized she must have been with me while I was throwing up last night.

She chuckled. "I guess that answers my next question of how you're feeling."

I slowly turned my head to look at her, squinting in the sunlight streaming in through the window.

"I've never had that much to drink," I said hoarsely.

"I figured," she responded. "I left some water on your nightstand. You should drink it."

I turned to look and saw that she was right. I reached up for the water and gulped it all down, along with the two pills of aspirin beside it.

"Thanks," I said, flopping over onto my back.

"Do you...do you remember last night?" she asked quietly after a moment.

I slowly turned to look at her, my heart started to race again as I thought about what could have happened. "I...remember leaving Finnick's house. But not much after that."

A disappointed look crossed her face.

Oh, no. We did. We did have sex and I didn't remember it at all. Dear God, I hoped I was good. I hope I didn't finish in ten seconds.

"Katniss," I began with a gulp. "Did we…I mean, uh, did we…?"

I motioned between us, gesturing to our current attire.

Her eyes grew as wide as saucers.

"Oh! No!" she said hurriedly. "Not at all."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God," I replied, covering my face with my hands. "I mean. Not thank God. I mean I want to but...I mean...ughhhh…"

I groaned in frustration at my inability to form the right words.

She laughed and ran her hand gently through my hair. "I know what you mean, Peeta."

As the medicine started to kick in, I was able to tolerate the light a little better and I was trying desperately not to look at her bare legs that she'd pulled out from under the warm covers.

"I should probably get a shower," I finally said.

A cold one, I thought.

"Me too," she replied. "Do you want to go to breakfast when we're ready?"

"Sure," I said. "I could really use some strong coffee."

"Meet you back here in a half hour?" she asked, rising from the bed and pulling the shirt down so it covered down to mid-thigh.

"Perfect."

After I heard the front door to my apartment close, I made my way to the bathroom and tugged my boxers off before stepping into the shower. The hot water felt good on my skin and seemed to melt away what was left of my hangover. By the time I got out, I felt much better.

Thirty minutes later, Katniss and I were sitting downstairs in the cafe. We were each eating cheese bagels and I was drinking a hot black coffee while she sipped on another coconut iced coffee.

"Better?" she asked around a mouthful of bagel as I took a long sip of my coffee.

I nodded. "Much," I replied.

"Do you think you're still up for going surfing today then?" she asked hopefully.

Just like we had done back when we were both still in West Virginia, we had made Sundays our day to spend together. Except now, instead of sitting on a rock by the river in the woods, we spent the day alternating between surfing and laying on the beach.

"Sure," I said. "Wouldn't miss it."

She smiled warmly at me and finished off the rest of her bagel and coffee.

When we were done, we cleaned up our table and headed back upstairs to our apartments to change and grab our surfboards.

After we'd changed and met back in the hallway between our apartments, I grabbed Katniss's hand and we headed down the hill to the beach.

"Peeta?" she asked as we first stepped on the warm sand.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you don't remember anything from last night?"

I felt my face fall. By the way she was acting I was really starting to think that something significant had happened last night, but I had no recollection of anything after we left Finnick's.

"I'm sorry, Katniss, I wish I did, but I really don't," I finally answered.

She nodded somberly.

"Why, Katniss?" I asked, stopping and tugging her hand so she would stop too. "Clearly, something big happened last night."

She looked a little uncomfortable and I could tell already that she was deciding whether to lie to me or not. "The truth, please, Katniss," I added.

She sighed. "It wasn't as big of a deal as you think."

"So then why can't you tell me?"

"Well...you said you loved me," she practically whispered.

Oh.

To be honest, I wasn't all that surprised. People tended to be very honest when they were drunk, I guess I was no exception. Obviously I'd loved her for years. I just hadn't wanted to tell her when I was totally trashed.

Cringing, I looked into her eyes and asked, "Is it okay if I said that?"

She looked surprised. Like she'd been expecting me to take it back.

She avoided my eyes as she replied, "Yeah."

I waited a moment to see if she would say it back. But I knew she had a hard time with being that vulnerable. Once it was clear she wasn't going to say it back, I swallowed my disappointment and continued walking toward the calling ocean, tugging her hand to walk with me.

We didn't say anything the rest of the walk to the water. As we neared it, I could see that Finnick was on lifeguard duty today. He was standing in the lifeguard tower talking to his team leader, Haymitch. I had met Haymitch several times and, despite his grim nature, I actually liked him. He was about twenty years older than any of the other lifeguards on his team, but he was still the fastest swimmer and had a pretty impressive record of lives he had saved. I knew Finnick had a lot of respect for him and I could see why.

They both waved at us as we approached the tower.

"How you feeling today, Peet?" Finnick asked with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Better than I was when I woke up this morning," I replied.

"I'll bet. How you doing, Katniss?" Finnick continued as he and Haymitch descended the stairs.

"Fine, thanks," she answered with a smile.

"This is Haymitch, by the way," Finnick said as he gestured to Haymitch who reached out to shake Katniss's hand. She hesitantly obliged.

"This is Peet's girlfriend, Katniss," Finnick explained.

"Nice to meet you, sweetheart," Haymitch replied roughly.

"You too."

"When are you going to compete and join the team, Mellark?" Haymitch asked, turning his attention to me.

I rolled my eyes at the question. He'd asked me a million times to try out for his lifeguard team, insisting that with how quickly I'd learned to surf, and surf well, that I would be a good asset to their team.

I shook my head and gave the same answer I always did, "I just couldn't commit to all the hours. Plus, I already work at the cafe."

Haymitch shook his head in disappointment. "Could be saving lives instead of baking cupcakes."

I chuckled. He always tried to sound insulting with his retorts but I knew he never really meant it.

"How do you know I haven't saved any lives with my cupcakes?" I replied with a grin.

"Oh, I can vouch for that," Katniss chimed in. "His chocolate cupcakes have definitely saved my life a time or two after an overwhelming day at school."

I turned to Katniss, surprised that she had joined the conversation and a little flattered by her words.

"See?" I said, looking back to Haymitch and Finnick who were both laughing. I didn't think I had ever seen Haymitch laugh.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart," Haymitch replied, shaking his head. "Just keep this boy out of trouble. No more drunken nights."

"You got it," Katniss agreed.

"Well, have fun surfing," Finnick said. "It's a great day for it!"

With that, we waved goodbye and sprinted the rest of the way to the water, jumping onto our boards once we reached it and paddling out in the surf.

Finnick was right, it was a perfect day for surfing. The sun was warm and the waves were swelling.

I watched Katniss as the first waved rolled in and she seamlessly mounted her board and rode out the wave, maintaining her balance with her strong, flexed legs. She should be the one to join the lifeguard team. She had learned to surf way more quickly than I had. Her balance was better and she was much more agile than I was. I'm sure all that time she spent tracking and hiking with her dad in the woods had helped with that.

We spent the rest of the afternoon surfing, only stopping briefly to eat a little lunch. When sunset finally arrived, we straddled our boards and let the tide rock us back and forth. I could never grow tired of this. Being here in the ocean, watching the sunset with Katniss would always be my favorite place.

After the sun sank below the distant horizon, Katniss suddenly broke the silence with a quiet "I'm sorry."

I turned my head to her in confusion. "For what?"

"That I can't say it back."

The disappointment I'd been holding at bay all day flooded back into my mind. She couldn't say she loved me. Maybe she didn't even love me. At least not yet.

I lowered my head, pretending to scratch at something on my board and shrugged.

"I wouldn't want you to say something you didn't mean."

She was quiet for a moment. "I'm just...not ready."

I didn't respond and I knew that she could tell I was hurt because she had a guilty look on her face.

I realized the darkness was growing so I reached my hand out to her and said, "Come on." I tried to smile but I knew it wasn't very genuine.

She smiled back weakly but took my hand.

_~Katniss~_

I felt so guilty. Why couldn't I say it back? Was it because of my mother abandoning us when she was supposed to love us unconditionally? I didn't know, but I had only ever said it to Dad and Prim. I knew I loved them, but how could I be sure that what I felt for Peeta was love? I just wanted to really be sure before I ever said something as significant as that.

A couple of weeks passed. Things had been different between us since that Sunday. Peeta wasn't as warm as he used to be. He still came over after school and work, we still went surfing, but things had definitely shifted. We hardly did anything physical past hugging and holding hands, and even those things felt distant. Peeta hadn't said he loved me again. It was like he had put this wall up to me. And I hated it. But I couldn't bring myself to say it.

One morning, we both had a shift at the cafe before school. Peeta was already there, baking, when I came in.

"Hey," he greeted me. Did I imagine the tinge of coolness in his voice? Maybe it was just my own guilt making me paranoid.

"Morning," I greeted back, immediately going to the espresso machine to make myself a latte. I was going to need something strong to get me through today.

"Do you know what you're doing for Thanksgiving yet?" Peeta asked, breaking the silence as I sipped my coffee.

I swallowed thickly. "I'm just going to stay here. I'm saving money to go back home for Christmas," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. I hadn't told him I wasn't staying here for Christmas yet.

His back was still to me and I could see him stiffen. His shoulders went taut beneath his white t-shirt, stilling as he stopped kneading the dough.

"Oh?" he said after an awkward silence. I could tell he was trying to act like it didn't bother him.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about it and it would be cheaper for Dad if I just went home instead of him and Prim coming here. And I really miss home…" I added.

I could see him nod slightly, but he still wasn't turning to look at me. I had hurt him. Again. That seemed to be my thing lately. Telling him about my relationship with Gale, not telling him that I loved him and now dropping the news that I wasn't spending Christmas with him.

"I understand," he said finally.

And that was it. He wasn't going to argue with me? Try to convince me to stay here? Was he giving up on me? On us? I was starting to wonder if we should just go back to being friends. Things were so much easier then.

Suddenly, I just couldn't take it anymore and I stormed out of the cafe and back upstairs to my apartment, slamming the door loudly behind me. I dropped onto my old couch and before I knew it, the tears were slipping down my cheeks.

I loved Peeta. I knew I did. But the thought of admitting it out loud scared the hell out of me. I couldn't shake the thought that some day he would grow tired of me, like Mom did with Dad, and just leave. No explanation, no final goodbye, just gone. Forever.

The tears were coming down harder now and I couldn't seem to get them under control. The pounding was so loud in my ears that I didn't hear the door open or hear Peeta's heavy tread as he entered my apartment.

I didn't even notice his presence until he sat down next to me and wrapped his strong arms around me. He pulled me into his chest and ran his hands soothingly over my hair. I couldn't even bring myself to resist, so hungry was I for his touch and comfort.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry."

I tried to protest to his apology - he shouldn't be the one apologizing - but I couldn't stop the tears long enough to get the words out. All I could focus on was the way his fingers felt on me as he ran them up and down my back. Even in my crying, they were starting to stir a different emotion in me.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I was pulling away from his chest and leaning in to kiss him. Our lips met languidly, and I could taste salt from my tears and something sweet that came from whatever pastry he had been trying as he made it.

He must have been feeling just as hungry for me as I had for him because our tongues were already exploring each others mouths and his hands had moved from my back to either side of my face.

Somehow, he ended up underneath me on the couch, which was new for us since usually it was the other way around. My legs fell to either side of his hips and I could feel the hard bulge in his pants pressing into me. The friction felt amazing and it must have felt that way for him too because every time I pushed my hips into him he let out a groan from deep in his chest. Something was unhinging in him and I liked it.

His hands were creeping up my sides, and his thumbs grazed the underside of my breasts. I let out an embarrassing gasp against his mouth at the contact and could feel a surge of warmth in my core. I wondered if he could feel the heat through my pants.

My own hands couldn't seem to find a place to land. I ran them through his hair, causing it to stand on end, and placed them on his strong chest for awhile before I clawed my way under his shirt, letting my fingertips wander over his stomach muscles. This time, _he_ gasped quietly against my mouth and knotted his fingers into my hair, pulling me closer to him so I felt his desire for me in an even more intimate way.

In this moment, I was definitely starting to feel like I could tell him that I loved him. I had missed his touch so desperately over the past couple of weeks that it was making this seem even more intimate than it already was. I realized I wanted even more, and grabbed the hem of his shirt to tug it off.

He helped me pull it off, tossing it over his head so that it landed somewhere on the floor. I had seen him without a shirt a thousand times, almost daily in fact, since we went to the ocean almost every day, but this was different. I knew it was more vulnerable for him than when he took his shirt off to go surfing.

I took a moment to appreciate him, running my hands over his bare torso, noticing the mix of fine dark and blond hairs that splayed across his chest and then narrowed down to a trail past his belly button and disappeared into his waistband.

I leaned down and began trailing kisses down his neck, marking my territory there. He was letting out quiet bursts of air and I could feel his fingers skittering up and down my back. I had just reached his chest with my mouth when there was a loud knock on the door.

We both jumped in surprise and then blushed furiously. It was like we suddenly realized what we were doing and where things were heading. We quickly sprang off of the couch, Peeta moving out of view of the door as I ran to answer it, smoothing down my hair.

It was Mr. Mellark.

Brilliant.

"Good morning, Katniss," he said kindly.

"Hi, Mr. Mellark!" I replied, trying, maybe a little too hard, to hide the fact that I was just stripping clothes off of his son.

"Are you and Peeta still able to work this morning?" he asked. "You're both on the schedule."

"Oh! Yes, I can still work! I was down there earlier and realized I forgot something so I just came up to get it," I falsely explained.

I knew it was a bullshit excuse. I never slacked off on work and I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't quite believe me.

"Great!" he replied with a smile as he turned to walk back down the hall. "Oh, and could you do me a favor?"

"Sure!"

"Could you tell Peeta to join you for work in the cafe _after_ he gets his clothes back on?" he deadpanned with a wink, walking back down the hall.

My mouth fell open and I turned to see Peeta's shirt laying on the floor in clear view of the door. All the blood in my body seemed to rush to my face.

I closed the door, embarrassment washing over me in waves, and I turned to see Peeta about the same shade of red that I was.

"Well," he began with a chuckle. "I guess now we're even for the time I caught his girlfriend nearly naked in the kitchen."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! Here is the next chapter for you! I really enjoyed writing this one (I wrote almost the entire thing in one evening!), so I hope you enjoy it! Let me know and leave a review! Until next time, happy reading! :)

_~Peeta~_

The next few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were a hazy blur. Even though I couldn't shake the hurt that lingered in my heart since Katniss still hadn't told me she loved me, I had managed to push it away enough to enjoy the relationship we had.

After our intense makeout session on the couch that one morning, I could tell Katniss was trying to push for things to go further. She would never say anything, but when we had other moments like that she would try to pull down my pants and grind into me much more aggressively. I had managed to stop it from going any further by distracting her with my mouth on her neck or running my hands over her breasts. I just couldn't bring myself to go further without knowing she loved me first.

I knew most guys would be ecstatic to have a girl that would willingly have sex without all of the emotional attachment, but I just wasn't like that. I had loved Katniss for most of my life and I wanted our first time to be meaningful and out of a mutual love for one another. And if that meant waiting another year or ten, I would wait.

Thanksgiving finally came, and Dad invited Katniss and me to join him, Cecelia and her three children. Katniss and I had met Cecelia's children before. She had two boys, ages 12 and 10, named Henry and Ben, and a daughter named Jenny who was seven. I had immediately bonded with Jenny over being the youngest sibling with two older brothers.

I was disappointed that my own brothers couldn't join us for Thanksgiving, but one couldn't get away from work and the other couldn't get away from school. I vaguely wondered what Mom was doing, but the last time I'd talked to her was when she called to congratulate me on graduating from high school. The conversation hadn't seemed heartfelt at all, but rather out of an obligation. I couldn't help but wonder if Dad had contacted her and forced her to make the call.

"Peeta?" Katniss suddenly asked, pulling me out of my thoughts as we pulled into my dad's driveway and she put the car in park. "Are you okay?"

I turned from the window I had been absentmindedly gazing out of to turn and smile reassuringly at her.

"Yeah. Just thinking about my mom."

Katniss got a look of disgust on her face. "Why? After the way she treated you growing up, I'm surprised you want to think about her at all."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "It's just...no one should spend the holidays alone, you know?"

I could see her bite back a less-than favorable response before her features relaxed and she gave me a sympathetic look. "Yeah, you're right."

Just then, Jenny came running out of the house toward my side of the car.

"Peeta!" she cried as I opened the door to sweep her into my arms.

"Hey Jenny!" I greeted in response. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

I walked around to the driver's side of the car and opened the door for Katniss. She smiled gratefully at me and then rose up from the seat with the platter of cheese buns in her hands.

We entered the house and Dad and Cecelia were there to greet us warmly with hugs, while Henry and Ben quietly stood behind and waved their greetings. Cecelia took the platter of cheese buns from Katniss and Dad offered to take Jenny from me, but she clung to me tightly at which we all laughed and her brothers rolled their eyes playfully.

Katniss glanced at me with a tender look in her eyes as I walked by her into the kitchen, still toting Jenny. I smiled warmly back at her before she headed into the living room to ask Henry and Ben what new video game they were playing.

I entered the kitchen that overlooked the dining room and felt my stomach growl at the delicious smells that greeted me. The savory turkey that Dad was just pulling from the oven, the melting butter on the corn and mashed potatoes, the fried bacon now sliced over the green beans, the brown sugar piled onto the sweet potatoes and, of course, the warm, homey smell of pumpkin and apple from the various pies that I'm sure Dad had made.

"Why don't you go help your mom set the table?" I whispered to Jenny when I noticed Cecelia rushing to have it ready.

Jenny nodded and I gently put her back on the ground.

"Need any help, Dad?" I asked, walking up behind him and reaching around to steal a piece of turkey he was slicing. The meat seemed to melt in my mouth.

He gave me a scolding look but his laughing eyes betrayed him. "You could stir those mashed potatoes and put a few more marshmallows on the sweet potatoes," he instructed.

I quickly got to work, eager to start eating.

"So, how have you and Katniss been?" he asked after a moment.

I made sure my back was to him so he couldn't see me blush. I hadn't seen him since he basically caught us that morning we were supposed to be working in the cafe. Partly because we'd been busy with midterms and partly because...well, I was embarrassed.

I cleared my throat. "Good."

"Just good?" he asked with a hint of a laugh in his voice. He nudged me so I would turn to look at him. My face was still burning and I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Okay, well, really good," I replied, pretending to scratch my arm.

"Huh. That's what I thought," he said with a chuckle as he turned back to continue carving the turkey.

"You're being careful, right?" he asked once his back was turned.

"Careful?"

He turned abruptly toward me. "Trust me, Peeta. You don't need a baby while you're in school. College is hard enough without one."

My face had just returned to its normal shade and was now flaming again. "Dad!" I whispered so Cecelia and Jenny wouldn't hear. "Katniss and I aren't...I mean, we haven't…"

He got a skeptical look on his face. "Really?"

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth. "So no need to worry about...babies."

I turned back away to continue stirring the potatoes. I realized I might have been stirring a little too forcefully when a couple of pieces flew onto my face.

Dad handed me a wash rag to wipe my face before he said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed. I guess I just thought you were after that morning-"

"I know," I interrupted before he could continue with that sentence. "But it hasn't gone any further than that."

"Okay," he said. "Well, it's none of my business anyway. Just, promise that you'll be careful if it ever does happen."

"Well, I don't foresee it happening any time soon," I admitted a little sadly. "But I promise we will be if it does happen."

"If what happens?" a voice suddenly asked behind us.

I spun around quickly with the bowl of mashed potatoes in my hands and smiled charmingly at Katniss.

"Nothing," I said, placing a hand on her back and guiding her to the dining table to sit down. This conversation was done. And so was the food.

Thankfully, the rest of the evening wasn't as mortifying as that conversation. My Dad's brothers and their families came over after dinner to watch football, so they got to meet Katniss for the first time. I could tell she was nervous, but thankfully I got my sociable personality from the Mellark side of the family so they were all very welcoming and kind to her. After the initial anxiety of meeting them, she started to warm up to them. She even got really into the game.

Our hometown in West Virginia was split between Cincinnati Bengals fans and Pittsburgh Steelers fans, which wasn't a good combination considering the heated (and sometimes violent) rivalry between the teams. Katniss and her family were Bengals fans and I had seen her get into trash-talking arguments more than a few times with Steelers fans back in high school. I always appreciated that she was passionate about sports.

My family, on the other hand, were on the outside of the Bengals-Steelers rivalry. My dad being from California, we were Raiders fans. Katniss had always given me a hard time about being a Raiders fan, so I was surprised that she stood up to cheer with us when the Raiders scored a touchdown.

Up until this point, I had been sitting on the couch while Katniss sat on the floor in front of me. She'd been leaning comfortably against the couch between my legs before we both stood up and cheered. As the cheering died down, she turned to look at me and give me a high-five.

It was a good thing there were so many people in the room with us. I felt such adoration and appreciation for her in that moment, I was pretty sure I could have taken her right there on the couch. There was just something about the way her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkled with excitement. Her hair was in a loose, messy braid down her back, and some of the tendrils that had fallen loose were hanging around her face, framing it perfectly. Her sweatshirt had risen up when she raised her arms to cheer and I could see the smooth, tan skin of her lower back.

All of that in addition to the excitement and energy that flooded the room from the football game just made everything seem so right in that moment. I was so glad that she was mine. Or, more accurately, I was hers.

Without even stopping to think of the hoots and hollers I would get from my uncles, I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her in and then kissed her. We ignored the remarks of "ewww" and "get a room!" from my family and let the kiss last for a few seconds before we slowly pulled away.

Even though my family was in the room, I couldn't help but feel the heat that radiated between us. And from the way Katniss's cheeks were glowing and her eyes had darkened, I could tell she felt it too. It took a significant amount of self-control not to leave with her right then.

After everyone settled back in their seats, me back on the couch with Katniss on the floor between my legs, I felt her shift and put more of her wait onto my leg. My hand absentmindedly went to her messy braid and began playing with the soft strands.

I would have to remember not to watch football games with Katniss alone. It would be very hard to wait for her to tell me she loved me if this happened when it was just the two of us. I was already having a hard time waiting with people around.

When the football game ended with a Raiders' win, everyone was in good spirits. We all pitched in to help Dad and Cecelia clean the kitchen and by the time we were done, we were coming down from our highs and started feeling the effects of a hot, delicious meal and maybe a little too much beer - at least for my uncles.

Katniss and I had abstained from drinking anything, remembering the recent Halloween party experience, so we were all good to drive home. We barely said a word as we made the short drive home and then headed up the stairs to the apartment.

When we reached our doors across the hall from each other, Katniss finally broke the silence and asked simply, "Do you want to come in?"

In dim light, it was hard to tell if she was asking for innocent or not-so innocent purposes. I debated it in my mind a moment and then managed to nod and follow her inside her apartment.

We made it to the couch were we plopped down heavily. I half-expected Katniss to jump my bones right then, but she didn't. Instead she settled back into the couch. I breathed a sigh of relief even though there was that slight disappointment in the back of my mind.

"So...what did you think of the Mellark family?" I asked with a grin.

She smiled. "I like them. A lot. Now I can definitely see where you get your charm and friendliness from."

I chuckled. "Yeah, they're definitely friendly. Maybe a little too friendly," I added, thinking of the lingering hug my dad's youngest, unmarried brother gave to Katniss when we were leaving.

She shrugged.

"Oh, I've been wanting to ask you," I began, pausing for effect.

She gave me a questioning look.

"Since when did you become a Raiders fan?"

She rolled her eyes and threw one of the couch pillows at me.

"I'm still not a Raiders fan, I'm just not a Cowboys fan!" she replied with a smirk.

"Sure, sure. So it has nothing to do with peer pressure? Or the fact that you were surrounded by Raiders fans in the living room?" I asked, knowing perfectly well that was not the reason. She had been the lone Bengals fan in a swarm of Steelers fans before.

"No!" she shouted playfully. "Look, I just have teams that I really don't like, so I cheer for the one I dislike the least."

With that, we were bantering again. It was nice to do so playfully. It seemed like we'd been genuinely arguing more lately. I really hated that. I was glad we seemed to be getting back to the way we were when we were friends. Just with more kissing and touching involved now.

Before we knew it, it was one in the morning and we both had a shift in the morning.

"We better get some sleep, Katniss," I said, patting her legs that she had sprawled across my lap.

Her bottom lip stuck out slightly as she pouted.

"Aww, but I don't want you to go," she said.

I laughed and thought that I didn't either, but the temptation to do other things was too great when we shared a bed.

"I know," I finally replied. "I don't want to either. But we have a shift tomorrow morning."

She sighed as she pulled her legs from my lap, her bare foot grazing my groin as she went. I looked at her and she met my stare unwaveringly. She had done that on purpose. My stomach seemed to flip and I swallowed thickly as I quickly rose from the couch and headed for the door.

_~Katniss~_

I didn't understand why he rarely wanted to stay the night with me. At this point, I had just started assuming it was because he was still hurt over me not telling him I loved him.

I had tried so many ways to get him to go further with me. I wasn't even expecting sex at this point, but just something more than the making out and feeling each other outside of our clothes. I couldn't believe he was just going to leave without so much as a hug after the way he'd kissed me in front of his entire family.

So when he rose from the couch and practically bolted for the door, I followed him.

"Goodnight, Kat-" he started to say as I slammed the door back shut after he'd started to open it.

He looked at me, startled, and I could see his chest start to rise a little more rapidly.

"What are you-"

But I cut him off again with a searing kiss, using my hips and hands on his chest to pin him against the closed door.

His surprise wore off as I pushed my hips repeatedly into him and raked my fingers through his hair, devouring his mouth with my own.

He kept trying to pull away and say something, but I knew if I let him start talking that it would be difficult to get him into this position again, so I kept swallowing his words.

After I was pretty sure he had given up on talking since he was kissing me back now with fervor and his hands had wandered down to my hips, I pulled my lips away from his and dragged them across his cheek and jawline, down to his neck.

He let out a breath as I found a particularly sensitive spot there and sucked on it for a little while. I could feel his chest heaving against mine and desperately hoped he was losing control.

I was a little nervous, but I finally ventured into new territory. I had felt his backside through his clothes before, but I had never touched his manhood. When his gasps started becoming a little more audible, I finally gained the confidence I needed to let my hand slip down to touch him through his jeans.

I still half-expected him to pull away from me, but when I felt his rigid length push further into my hand, I felt a surge of warmth in my own nether regions and began running my hand up and down his manhood. He was letting out deep groans now and I knew he was losing more and more control.

I kept up my ministrations a little while longer until it seemed his restraint finally snapped and he reached around to cup my behind. I thought that was all he was going to do, so I was pleasantly surprised when he suddenly picked me up. I excitedly wrapped my legs around his waist as he spun us around so that I was pinned against the door. His hips were grinding into me, perfectly hitting my core and sending sparks behind my eyes with each wave of delicious friction.

My hair had completely come loose of its braid and hung in a sort of curtain around our faces as our lips connected again, our breath coming out hot and needy. His length continued to rub me in just the right way and I was beginning to let out uncontrollable gasps of pleasure.

"Peeta!" I gasped out over and over before I finally added: "Bedroom!"

Again, I half-expected him to stop or to say no or to just ignore me all together, but he pulled me away from the door and carried me to my bedroom, stumbling along the way as I went back to sucking on his neck and raked my nails down his back.

Somehow we managed to turn on a light, and then when we reached my bed, he dropped me onto it and leaned down over me. Before he could get any lower, I reached up and tugged his shirt up and away from his hips. He obliged and pulled it off the rest of the way. He was about to try to lower himself again when I put my hand on his chest and sat up, making him lean back onto his knees on the bed.

I could see a hint of confusion in his lust-filled eyes, so before he had a chance to really question what I was doing, I tugged off my own shirt, revealing my black bra underneath. Peeta had seem me in a bikini a million times, and even though this was definitely more intimate than going surfing or swimming, it wasn't enough. I wanted more. I was starting to think I _needed_ more by the way I was aching down below.

So without any flare, I reached around to my back and unhooked my bra, letting the straps slip down my shoulders as they loosened and then letting the black fabric fall away all together.

I leaned back on my hands, making my back arch a little so that he could get a good look at me for the first time. A part of me couldn't believe I was doing this. This was so unlike me. But I wanted Peeta. He had made me feel things, emotionally as well as physically, that I had never felt before. And I didn't know how to put into words how I felt so I thought I would let my body do the talking.

I could feel my nipples stiffening in the sudden exposure, the dusky tips prominent over the small mounds of flesh. Peeta's mouth fell open a little, in surprise or pleasure I wasn't sure. Maybe both. He licked his lips and his eyes seemed to darken even more than they already had.

"God, Katniss," he finally said, his voice husky. "You're so beautiful."

"Then come here and make me feel beautiful," I said, surprising him and myself.

He apparently didn't need to be told twice. Before I knew what was happening, I was on my back and Peeta's head was at my chest.

He hesitated for a moment and then his lips closed around a peak and I felt a jolt shoot down into my groin. How could this feel that good? He let his mouth go to work, sucking and gently nipping, rolling his tongue around my nipple while his hand reached up to squeeze and tease my other breast.

I arched my back further into him until it seemed I couldn't get any closer. But it didn't seem close enough. The gasps and sighs and _oh, Peeta's_ were escaping my mouth unbidden. But all this seemed to encourage him. His hips were grinding into me again and he seemed impossibly hard. He was straining so much against his pants I thought they would rip.

Something was starting to coil in my belly and I realized I was chasing something and _oh_ , it seemed so close. Finally, the adoration of my breasts and the constant pressing of his manhood into my core brought me to a release that sent tingles throughout my entire body and sent explosions of light behind my closed eyelids. I was sure I was so loud that I could have woken the neighbors, but that seemed so insignificant right now.

I seemed to melt into the bed sheets as I panted to catch my breath, my breasts heaving. When I finally gained control of my senses again, I opened my eyes to see Peeta lying on his side next to me. He had a proud smile on his face, but the hard bulge in his pants pressing against my hip reminded me that he hadn't had his turn yet.

I finally managed to sit up and reached out to start rubbing him through his pants again. But he gently caught my wrist to stop me.

"Peeta," I protested. "It's your turn."

"It's okay, Katniss. Really."

He looked serious despite his obvious desire.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because this was about you tonight," he answered with a grin.

"Who decided that?" I asked, getting a little snarky.

"Me."

"No, that's not how this works. We decide on things together," I argued.

"Oh, like you consulted with me before you pinned me against the front door?" he said sarcastically.

At first I thought he was joking, but by the look on his face, I wasn't so sure that he was.

"Well, you didn't seem to be protesting when I started rubbing your dick through your pants!" I shot back.

He looked a little startled at my language. I didn't talk like that very often. Now he knew I was getting defensive and angry too.

He quickly rose from the bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor, like he didn't want to be vulnerable with me anymore.

"Are you serious, Peeta? I'm offering to reciprocate what you just did for me and you're turning me down?" I shouted.

"Do you think that is what this is all about for me, Katniss? You think all I want is sex?" he demanded.

The look in his eyes suddenly made my argument seem invalid and I had the urge to put my shirt back on too. I blindly reached for it, not breaking eye contact, but definitely feeling a little off-balance by what was happening between us right now.

"If that's all you think I want, then I don't know if this is going to work. Because you clearly don't know me at all!"

He stood there for a moment, waiting for me to respond but no words would come. So I just sat there dumbly, still fumbling with my shirt.

"Oh, my God," he said in disbelief, turning away from me and storming his way through my apartment to the door.

I had hurt him again. I ignored the voices in my head telling me that's all I was ever going to be good for was hurting him. That he deserved so much better than me.

"Peeta," I called out for him, still trying to get my shirt on over my head while I attempted to chase him.

But before I could reach him, he had reached his apartment, unlocked the door and slammed it behind him.

I immediately tried the doorknob but he had locked it. I felt a lump rise in my throat. He never locked me out. Never. I had really done it this time. Hurt him to the point of unforgiveness.

"Peeta," I shouted as I pounded on the door, trying not to let the sob escape my throat. But after several more futile attempts, I gave up, sliding down the door.

I knew all this went back to him just wanting me to love him back. I knew that I felt it for him, why couldn't I just say it?!

"Peeta," I called out one last time. "Please, let me in. I was going to ask you to come home for Christmas with me."

I couldn't help the sob that escaped that time.

After a few silent moments, the door suddenly opened and I nearly fell into his apartment.

I looked into his eyes and saw they were red-rimmed like mine. Another sob left my throat knowing that I was causing him this pain.

"Katniss," he began, swallowing thickly. "I think I just need some time, okay?"

"But-" I tried to protest, but he cut me off.

"I promise I'll talk to you. I just...need some space right now. I know that's cliche, but I just need to clear my head. And it's really hard to do with you sobbing on the other side of my door."

His eyes bored into mine and I could see the deep pleading and sadness there. I just kept hurting him. I needed to let him have this time. As unbearable as it would be for me, I would let him have it. Be unselfish for once.

I took a deep breath to collect myself and nodded.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Thank you," he whispered back. "Goodnight."

And with that he closed the door.


	6. Chapter 6

_~Peeta~_

I didn't sleep at all that night. I kept tossing and turning as I replayed the events of the evening in my mind over and over again. It was such a chaotic mess of longing and desire toward Katniss mixed with fear and anger.

Finally at five o'clock, I gave up on sleep. I got up, showered and dressed to go downstairs and work in the cafe. While I kneaded dough for pastries, I thought about each emotion I was feeling and tried to analyze why I felt that way. Longing and desire was obvious, but why the anger and fear?

I suppose I had always known why I feared admitting to Katniss that I loved her. I had just never admitted it to myself. I was afraid of my love not being returned. Like what my mom had done to my dad. And to my brothers. And me. I had always tried to hide that pain of not being loved by my own mother. To ignore the thoughts that insisted I wasn't good enough to be loved. I thought maybe things would be different with Katniss. I really believed they could be. And even though I hadn't meant to tell her I loved her yet, I thought maybe it had been long enough to hear her say it back.

I absentmindedly began to pound hard on the dough I was kneading.

Apparently, hoping Katniss would say it back had been an unrealistic expectation because here we were, a month later, and she still hadn't said it. Hadn't even come close. It was getting harder to ignore those thoughts of inadequacy and unworthiness.

I pounded the dough even harder. Willing it to mold the way I desired.

I thought about the way Katniss acted last night. The way she tried to seduce me. It was so unlike her. Everyone thought she was a prude in high school and I couldn't say they were wrong. It wasn't a bad thing, it was just well-known about her. So seeing her like that last night almost made me submit to her. She was so sexy and so beautiful, bared before me, her hands on me...I almost lost control. But somehow, I was able to reign myself in after she climaxed. I just couldn't be with her in that way until I knew for sure she loved me too.

Suddenly, I sensed another presence in the room with me. I turned and saw Annie clocking in. What was she doing here? Katniss was supposed to be on shift with me. Courtesy of my dad owning the cafe.

"Hey, Peeta," Annie greeted kindly, her auburn hair tied up in a high ponytail for work.

"Hi, Annie. I thought you were working later today."

"Katniss called me this morning and asked if I would switch shifts with her," Annie said simply. "She didn't tell you?"

I shook my head, trying to ignore the frustrated, hurt feeling.

"Oh. Well, do you want to go check on her?" she asked, pointing upstairs. "Maybe she's sick. She didn't sound too good on the phone."

I thought about it for a moment and decided against it. Maybe Katniss really was giving me the space I needed. I felt my heart sink a little. But I knew that wasn't fair. I had asked Katniss to give me space, I couldn't be upset with her for actually giving it to me.

"No, that's okay. I'll catch up with her later," I replied, avoiding her eyes so she wouldn't see the hurt in mine.

Annie nodded and headed to the cash register as the first customers started pouring in. We were usually pretty busy on Black Friday. People coming in to get their coffee and bagels before heading out for a day of shopping. Annie and I hardly had a chance to speak anymore with how many people were rolling in.

Finally, it was eleven o'clock and my shift was over. I had spent the last five hours thinking about Katniss. The distance and time outside of her presence had given me some clarity and I felt like I knew how to best approach this situation now. I needed to see her. So, I hung up my apron, clocked out and headed upstairs.

I knocked on her apartment door and waited for a few moments, but there was no response. I knocked again, louder this time, but again, no response. I tried the doorknob and found it locked, so I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and called her. Straight to voicemail.

A hint of worry was creeping into my mind. Where could she be? It wasn't like we had to worry about school today. After debating for a moment, I decided to fetch her spare key from my apartment. I didn't know how she would feel about that right now, but I that seemed insignificant at the moment.

I walked around the whole place. Through the living room, peeking into the bathroom and even the bedroom where I swallowed thickly, remembering last night's events, but she wasn't here.

Okay, now I was getting really worried. And then I realized something was missing next to the apartment door. The wall was too bare. Her surfboard wasn't against the wall. My heart thudded a bit. This time of year was not good for inexperienced surfers. The water was colder and the waves tended to be bigger.

I tried calling her cell one more time only to get her voicemail again, before bolting to my own apartment and struggling to don my wetsuit in preparation for the cooler waters. Not wanting to waste any more time, I grabbed my surfboard and sprinted out of the building, down the hill and onto the beach. I barely registered how cold the sand felt on my feet.

There were a few surfers on the water, but not many considering it was a chilly, overcast day and the swells were larger than normal for this time of year. I glanced at the lifeguard tower, trying to see who was on duty today. Judging by the long blond hair I knew it had to be Haymitch. I felt a bit relieved at that, knowing that the most experienced lifeguard would never let someone drown on his watch.

My eyes went back to the angry ocean, scanning the waves, looking for her green surfboard. And then I saw her. My heart thudded with relief as the worry ebbed away and gave way to frustration.

She was past the pier and was attempting to stand on her board.

She's going to kill herself, I thought. She had never surfed out that far alone, and definitely never in this type of weather.

I ran the rest of the way into the water. A shiver ran up my spine as I felt the cold water even through my wetsuit. Once I was far enough in, I dropped my board onto the water and jumped onto it, my front flat against it as I paddled toward her.

As I approached, she got tossed off her board by a six- or seven-foot swell. Feeling a little panicked, I swam faster toward her until she suddenly burst from the water beside me, panting for breath.

She opened her eyes and startled a bit when she saw me sitting on my board so close by.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, not angrily but not in a way that made me think she was happy to see me either.

"I could ask you the same thing!" I retorted, failing to keep my tone neutral.

"I'm allowed to go surfing without you," she said haughtily as she climbed onto her board and swam toward another swell.

"Katniss!" I barked angrily after her.

But she ignored me, mounted her board and was immediately thrown off again. I tried not to worry while I waited for her to resurface, which she did, on the other side of me this time.

"What the hell, Katniss?!"

"You wanted space, Peeta," she stated with a shrug. I caught a brief glimpse of the hurt in her eyes before she masked it with her typical scowling expression.

"So I'm giving it to you."

"Okay," I began, taking a deep breath to calm myself. "And I appreciate that. But I want to talk. I'm ready to talk."

She rolled her eyes and I felt a little surge of anger well up inside me again.

"What?" I demanded.

"It's just that everything is on your terms!" she yelled.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's all on your terms," she said again. "When you want to talk, when you want to surf, when you use the word "love," when you want to have sex."

I felt my cheeks flaming, more from frustration than embarrassment like she intended.

"It's not that simple," I defended myself feebly. "Will you please just come back to shore and talk to me?"

She just sat there on her board a moment, letting the swells roll under us and not looking me in the eye. I saw her shiver slightly in her wetsuit and then she finally gave in.

"Okay," she practically whispered.

We both turned onto our bellies and paddled back to shore without another word.

Haymitch must have spotted us because he bounded down the steps of the lifeguard tower.

"You guys alright?" he asked in his gruff way.

"Yeah, we're fine," I replied, trying to smile at him appreciatively but finding it hard to do so with Katniss sulking beside me.

His eyes glanced between us.

"Just surprised to see you two out here this time of year. Especially since this one hasn't been surfing long," he added, gesturing toward Katniss.

I could see her scowl out of the corner of my eye and held my breath as I waited for her to rip Haymitch a new one.

But I was surprised by her response: "I won't get better if I'm babied. I'm not made of glass, you know."

Haymitch laughed. Again, a rare thing I saw from him.

"I really like this one," he stated, patting Katniss's shoulder.

I mumbled something in return and then he was walking back to his perch in the tower.

When we got back to the cafe, we agreed we should take warm showers before talking and she went back to her apartment while I went into mine. After I was done, I made some hot chocolate. I knew it was her favorite and thought it might help her warm up to the conversation - both literally and figuratively.

When I heard her timid knock a half an hour later, I opened the door and attempted a smile. But I knew she wasn't fooled by it. She didn't return the smile but she didn't seem angry either. Instead, she just came in and immediately sat down on the couch.

I fetched the steaming mugs of hot chocolate from the kitchen and held one out to her. Almost like a peace offering. She hesitated for a moment, debating on whether or not she should accept anything from me right now. But her love for chocolate won her over and she gingerly took the hot mug from me, holding it in both of her hands to warm them.

I took a good look at her as I sat down on the couch beside her. Not so close that we were touching, but close enough that she would know I wasn't trying to distance myself any further from her. Physically or emotionally. She was wearing a dark grey sweater with the sleeves covering part of her hands. She hadn't dried her hair, opting to braid it down the side like she normally did. I smiled a little to myself. It was good to see the old Katniss. My best friend. The girl I fell in love with.

We sat in silence for a little while as I gathered my thoughts. I knew she wouldn't break the silence. I was the one who had initiated this.

Finally, I sighed and began, "I did a lot of thinking this morning. While I was working at the cafe."

Her eyes briefly fluttered up to mine, trying to see if I seemed upset that she had chosen not to work with me. I kept my face neutral, though.

"I realized - or more like admitted - some things to myself that I wouldn't allow myself to before."

She took a sip of the hot chocolate before asking, "Like what?"

"That I'm afraid."

She finally locked eyes with mine. Her eyebrows knitted together in genuine confusion.

"Afraid?" she questioned.

"Yeah."

I took sip of my own hot chocolate before continuing.

"I'm afraid of...not being loved."

I glanced back up at her, feeling immensely vulnerable and finding it hard to hold the gaze of her deep, silver eyes. They looked like the ocean had today. Still beautiful, but dark and mysterious and powerful. But instead of looking at me like I was being too sensitive or weak, her features had contorted into a look of guilt. I didn't want her to feel guilty, though. I just wanted her to understand why I'd been acting the way I had been.

"I'm not saying it's an excuse for the way I've treated you for the past month. It's just...you know how my mom was?"

It was more of a statement than a question. She nodded slowly, her eyes narrowing and smoldering at the mention of my mom.

I continued, "She just made me feel like...I wasn't worthy of being loved. And I guess that's why I've been so hurt that you...that you haven't said you loved me back. I obviously wouldn't have told you like that if I hadn't been drunk, but once it was out there, I didn't want to take it back. Because...I do. I do love you-"

She suddenly tried to speak but I held up my hand.

"Please, let me finish, Katniss? I just want to get this out."

She closed her mouth and nodded for me to continue.

"Thank you. Anyway...I do love you. And I would like to keep telling you that, if that's okay. But...I just don't want to, you know, go any farther until I know you love me too. I've loved you for most of my life and I just want our first time to be special. An act of the love we share for each other. I hope you can understand that. I hope you understand me better now."

When I finally finished, I sat silently, letting my words sink in and settle in the atmosphere around us. I could see her processing and thinking of a response, so I gave her the time.

I sipped on my hot chocolate, hoping that it would make it clear that I was comfortable in the silence while she formulated a response. The warmth that often flooded my chest when I was with her was finally returning after the cold had settled there since last night. I felt my fingers twitch as they nearly reached out for her, but I managed to hold back, wanting to give her the time and space she needed. Like she had done for me.

After a few more minutes, she finally broke the heavy silence in a timid voice, like she was afraid the quiet would be angry with her.

"I'm glad you told me that, Peeta," she began. "It does help me understand you better. And...I guess I had figured that you were acting different because I hadn't said I...hadn't said it back. But...I'm afraid too."

I looked up at her and saw her silver eyes had turned into stormy depths. A couple tears escaped her eyes and I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I scooted over on the couch so that our legs were touching and took the hand that wasn't holding the hot chocolate in my own, noticing that hers felt cold. I set down my mug and held her hand in both of mine, gently running my thumb over her knuckles.

She seemed grateful for my gesture and leaned her head on my shoulder as we sunk back into the couch.

"What are you afraid of?" I practically whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Losing you," she said bluntly and then sniffed.

I pulled away to look her in the eyes.

"Lose me? Why would you ever lose me?" I asked, cupping her face and brushing away another tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I told you I loved you, Katniss. And I mean it. Always."

She nodded slightly.

"I know...but, my mom said she loved my dad too," she whispered so quietly that I barely heard her.

She looked down at our hands that were still entwined, but I used my other hand to gently lift her chin.

"Katniss," I began in a firm tone. "I am not your mom. I would never abandon you. You have to know that by now."

She set her hot chocolate mug down and put her head back down on my shoulder, curling into me.

"I know. At least, I've been trying to convince myself that I know that. It's just...I don't want to lose you. I don't want to wake up one day and find you gone." Her hand clenched the front of my sweatshirt.

"I promise, I will never do that to you. You'll always have me. I promise," I stated earnestly, squeezing her tighter to me, hoping that she would feel the promise I was holding on to.

She didn't respond for a long moment and then she took a deep, calming breath and said, "Thank you, Peeta. I'm sorry I can't say it back. I just need time, okay? I think...one day I can say it. Just...not yet."

I wondered if she felt my heart drop a little again in my chest. But she was being so open and vulnerable with me. More vulnerable than I was pretty sure she'd ever been. Even when we'd just been friends and there weren't all these messy, romantic, beautiful feelings between us.

I took a deep, calming breath of my own and replied, "Okay, Katniss. If that's what you need, you can have it. I'll quit acting like a wounded puppy and stop pressuring you."

She leaned up and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "Thank you. And I won't pressure you to...well, I won't pressure you to do anything you're not ready for yet either."

I chuckled a little.

"Well, it's not that I'm not ready, I just want it to be meaningful and not just some random heated moment."

I felt her own laugh vibrate against my chest. "Understood."

_~Katniss~_

We sat in companionable silence for awhile, our hot chocolate getting cold on the coffee table as we soaked up each other's warmth and physical contact on the couch. Now that the fog and uncertainty of our argument was cleared, the rest of last night's events suddenly hit me with a humiliating wave of clarity.

"Since we're being honest…" I began, blushing and hiding my face in Peeta's chest.

I felt more than heard his deep laugh. "What?"

"I'm really embarrassed about the way I acted last night," I mumbled against him.

He nudged me, trying to get me to face him.

"Trust me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about," he said suggestively, his eyes glancing between my chest and my eyes.

I finally caught his meaning and punched his shoulder.

"Peeta!" I yelled, hiding my face in my hands, but not able to hide the giggle that escaped my throat.

"Hey," he said, pulling my hands away from my face and planting a kiss on my smiling lips. "I'm being serious. You really don't need to be embarrassed. Like you said last night, I wasn't exactly protesting when you started - how did you put it?"

He tapped his chin, feigning thoughtfulness.

"Don't say it," I replied.

"Rubbing my…" he started, his face breaking out in a laughing grin.

I covered his mouth with my hand and he mumbled the word against my palm.

I punched his arm again and then he was pulling me in for a playful kiss. It was mostly just our teeth hitting at first as we tried to stifle our laughter, but before long our lips were connecting and things were getting heated. Peeta leaned back on the couch and I laid on top of him, our mouths kissing each other languidly as our tongues reach out to each other and our fingers danced around each other's bodies.

When the kissing finally calmed down, I stayed in my position on top of him, my head resting on his chest, hearing his strong, steady heartbeat. I felt so warm and cozy that it reminded me of what I wanted to ask him last night.

"Peeta," I said, breaking the silence. "Will you go back to West Virginia for Christmas with me?"

"The answer has been yes since you told me you were going to ask last night," he replied, kissing the top of my head gently.

I vaguely remembered sobbing the words through his door. I was so glad we weren't fighting anymore. I was starting to feel that closeness with him again. The closeness we had when we were still just friends. It made me more content than I had felt in a long time.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I dreamed. The dream was a hazy orange and hard to decipher but I saw glimpses of what appeared to be children. I never saw their faces, but I saw a girl with a dark braid hanging down her back and a little boy next to her with blond hair. They were holding hands and watching the sunset on the beach. I was watching them and I felt someone's hand in mine and didn't have to look to know it was Peeta. And somehow I also knew that those children were mine. No, ours.

I felt light and fluttery and there was so much joy. But then, suddenly the dream gave way to a nightmare. The only things I remember were the feeling of utter terror and panic over Peeta. And blood in water. Lots of blood. I felt like I was drowning in it.

I must have been thrashing in my sleep because the next thing I knew, I was waking up with Peeta's arms wrapped tightly around me. He had moved to a sitting position and I was on his lap. He was holding me to his chest and running one hand up and down my back while the other smoothed down my hair.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm here," he said soothingly.

The terror and blood ebbed away at the sound of his voice. My breathing slowed to its normal pace.

"Are you okay?" Peeta asked, letting his lips graze my sweaty forehead.

"Yeah," I choked out. "Just a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to talk about," I stated, narrowing my eyes as I tried to recall the details. "I remember there being children that looked like us, standing on the beach. And then there was just water and blood. I think something happened to you."

His eyes were filled with sympathy but not worry or anxiety.

"It was just a nightmare, Katniss," he said softly. "Don't let it get to you."

Seeing his disregard for it made it easier to let go of. If he wasn't concerned about it then I wouldn't be either.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MATURE CONTENT AHEAD!

_~Peeta~_

Christmas Eve finally arrived and Katniss and I had made it to West Virginia. Through a series of events and conversations, it was decided I would stay with the Everdeens. My oldest brother was on vacation for the holiday and my other brother had flown to California to see Dad and meet Cecelia.

Staying with my mother was not an option. In fact, I hadn't even told her I was coming back for Christmas. Fortunately, Mr. Everdeen was well aware of how she had treated me growing up thanks to Katniss, so Katniss had asked if I could stay with them. Mr. Everdeen gladly said yes but we were not allowed to share a room. So, Katniss would share Prim's room and I would have Katniss's old one.

Snow had already fallen in West Virginia. It was beautiful, but the cold seemed more biting than I remembered. Apparently I had gotten too comfortable with the "West Coast Sun," as Katniss had called it.

Once we'd settled our things at the Everdeens' house, we decided to take a walk to the woods. I was practically vibrating in anticipation as I waited for Katniss to finish bundling up in preparation for the cold weather. It had been too long since we'd ventured into the woods together.

After she was finally done, we made our way through town, the streetlights already flickering on in preparation for the early winter sunset. When we finally crossed the meadow that was a solid blanket of soft snow and entered among the trees, the smell of pine immediately drifted into my nostrils and I sighed aloud.

"I didn't realize how much I missed this," I explained when Katniss gave me a quizzical look.

She smiled and grabbed my gloved hand in her own as she replied, "Me too."

The snow crunched under our boots and I knew I should have been cold, but whether it was the pine boughs blocking out the wind or the warmth I felt pulsing between Katniss and me, I didn't feel cold at all.

When we finally reached our meeting place, our rock, Katniss broke into a run toward it.

"Hey!" I called, chuckling and chasing after her. But we were back in her territory and she easily outran me.

She reached the rock and lifted her arms in a triumphant pose. I clambered onto the rock after her, noticing the river was starting to freeze below. A brief flash of when Gale had pushed me into the same river years ago flew through my mind. But I couldn't even feel angry about it anymore.

Things with Katniss were going so well since our talk. We were more open and honest with each other, communicating about practically everything, including things we liked during our more heated moments. For instance, she liked when I was on top of her, in control, and I liked how vocal she was when I was pleasing her. I felt my cheeks flush at the thought, even now.

I strode over to her on the rock and pulled her into my arms to kiss her deeply. She easily obliged, her lips pliant and her tongue reaching for mine.

After we pulled apart, she breathlessly asked, "What was that for?"

"The first time I ever thought about kissing you was here," I began, nuzzling her neck and planting a light kiss there. She shivered.

"We were thirteen," I continued in between more kisses to her neck. "It was the first day of spring and the snow had finally melted and the forest was coming to life again."

She lifted her chin to grant me easier access to her neck as I pulled her scarf open.

"We were just sitting here on the rock, talking and soaking in the sunshine, when I really noticed your lips for the first time," I said in a husky voice.

Quiet sounds of pleasure began escaping her lips as I continued kissing her, planting a kiss behind her ear, then on the side of her neck, then her throat.

"Your lips were so full and were practically begging to be kissed. And now that you're finally letting me kiss you, I had to seize the opportunity," I finished, claiming her mouth again.

I felt her sigh against me and her body practically melted into a puddle on the rock. Her gloved hands came up on either side of my face, holding me firmly.

I lost track of time and even forgot where we were as we stood there, continuing to inhale each other. So, I didn't notice when someone walked up.

"Hey," a voice suddenly barked, making us both jump apart in alarm.

It was Gale.

Seriously? I thought. Hadn't he moved on by now?

Katniss's face was bright red. But I wasn't sure if that was because of the heat that had been radiating between us or because she was embarrassed at being caught.

"Hey, Gale. What are you doing here?" she asked, not unkindly, despite my silent wishing that she would tell him off.

"I just thought I'd take a walk in the woods and then I saw you two," he gestured between us. He kept his facial expression neutral but when his eyes met mine for a brief moment, I saw the hatred there.

"Oh, yeah, we decided to come back from California for Christmas," Katniss explained.

Gale nodded.

"How are you, Peeta?" he asked, saying my name like it was something disgusting he was spitting from his mouth.

I willed my voice to remain calm before I replied, "I'm great."

I looked at Katniss and smiled warmly. I couldn't deny that I hoped he felt somewhat jealous that I had won Katniss over and not him.

"I'll bet," he said, his voice filled with bitterness. He must have caught on to what I was trying to convey to him because his false politeness was starting to fade. "Hey, remember that time we ran into each other out here? You were just a puny kid. You haven't grown all that much since then."

He laughed, trying to make it sound like a joke, but he must have still assumed that I hadn't told Katniss what he did. That was his first mistake. His second mistake was trying to laugh about it like it was some harmless prank he'd pulled on me when I was a kid.

I felt anger start to boil in my chest, but I didn't have to say anything before Katniss acted for me. It was so fast, I barely had time to register what she was doing. In a flash, she had bent down, stood back up and hurled something at Gale.

Her snowball landed squarely in his face, breaking apart in such a perfectly comical way that I completely lost it. Laughter bursting from my throat.

Gale was so stunned, I didn't even think he felt embarrassed or angry. He just stood there with his mouth hanging open, his eyelashes, now coated in snow, blinking rapidly. I tried not to laugh again, not wanting to send him into some kind of blind rage, but I couldn't help it.

"What the fuck?" he yelled.

"Don't play dumb with me, Gale Hawthorne!" Katniss hollered back, bending down to pick up more snow. "I know what you did to Peeta!"

She didn't even give him a chance to respond before she threw another snowball at him, this one hitting his forehead. And then she just kept going. Kept picking up more snow and hurling it at him.

He ducked his head and took a few steps back. He tried to say something, but the snowballs just kept coming. He did manage to let out a few more curse words mingled with some things that I'm sure were insults aimed at me, but I just didn't care. The sight of him practically running away from Katniss who continued to chuck snow at him, while he feebly attempted to hurt my feelings was just too hilarious and contagious. So, I bent down and picked up snow too, joining in with Katniss, until he finally gave up and ran back toward town.

Once he was out of reach of our snowballs and had disappeared among the trees, Katniss and I stopped. We were panting and probably had the goofiest grins on our faces. I started cracking up all over again, picturing that first snowball hitting Gale in the face.

Katniss chuckled shyly at first and then gave in to belly-laughing with me.

"I can't believe you did that!" I said in between laughs.

"Me either! But he deserved it," she replied smugly.

I shook my head at her and planted another kiss on her lips.

"God, I love you," I said with a bright smile.

She smiled back and kissed me again.

Deciding we'd had enough excitement for one day, I took her hand in mine and we headed back to the Everdeens' house.

We spent the rest of the evening sipping hot chocolate in front of the fire and recounting what had happened with Gale in the woods to Mr. Everdeen and Prim. Both of them laughed with us, although I think they were laughing harder at our reenactment of it. Katniss and I both tried to imitate the face Gale had made when the first snowball hit him, but neither of us could get it quite right because we burst into laughter every time.

Finally, when our laughter had died down and we'd wiped the tears from our eyes, we found ourselves alone in the living room, the fire still going strong and the Christmas tree glowing brightly. We were both slumped on the comfortable couch, our feet, clad in thick wool socks, were propped up on the coffee table. I had my arm around her shoulders and the television was on, playing "Home Alone." I had tried to get her to watch one of the Hallmark Christmas movies, but she gagged to demonstrate what she thought of that idea. She was more into the funny Christmas movies, so of course, I had given in to her.

Eventually, she fell asleep, her head lolling onto my chest. Not wanting to wake her up, I gently untangled myself from her and picked her up, doing my best not to jostle her too much. She curled back into me as I carried her down the hall to Prim's room. I couldn't tell if the warmth flooding my chest was from the way her head was positioned there or from how beautiful and peaceful she looked, sleeping in my arms.

When we reached Prim's room, I managed to get the door open and entered quietly, not wanting to wake Prim. I tenderly laid Katniss on the bed, planted a gentle kiss on her cheek and whispered, "Goodnight."

But, suddenly, her hand reached out to mine, pulling me back down. I obliged and she leaned up to kiss me fully on the mouth. For being such a chaste kiss, it seemed to hold a promise of so much more.

When we pulled away, she whispered, "Merry Christmas, Peeta."

_~Katniss~_

The rest of our Christmas break had been relaxing - just the way I liked it. Gale failed to show his face again which gave me some satisfaction, and Mrs. Mellark had stayed away too. She had to have figured out Peeta was in town, but she never once called him or came to see him. I felt a little tug on my heart when Peeta finally accepted that she wanted no part of his life, but I was secretly glad. She was a terrible woman and didn't deserve to have a son as good as Peeta. So I said good-bye to her in my own way...which may have included me holding up a certain finger as I walked by her cafe that she still ran.

Christmas morning had been exactly what I'd hoped for. Calm, full of joy and warmth, and celebrated with the people I cared about most in the world. I had gotten Peeta some new surfing gear. I had noticed some of the shirts he had were getting worn out from how much we'd been surfing since I moved to California. He beamed and thanked me genuinely, then gave me a kiss on the cheek, being mindful of Dad in the room with us.

When I opened the gift Peeta had gotten for me, my mouth fell open. It was a bracelet. But not just any bracelet. Several months ago, Peeta had found a pearl on the beach and gave it to me. Somehow, he must have snuck it out of my nightstand drawer and had it strung onto a thin, leather strap to make it into a bracelet. It was perfect. Not gaudy or extravagant, just simple and meaningful.

I immediately put it on and grinned widely at how it looked on my small wrist.

"Do you like it?" Peeta asked, even though I was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

I looked up at him and nodded vigorously. "Yes, I love it! Thank you so much, Peeta."

Now, it was late spring, practically summer, and I could feel the tight bracelet twisting against my wrist as I ran into the ocean with Peeta, each of us carrying our surfboards.

Since the weather had turned back to ideal surfing weather, Peeta and I had been out to the beach nearly every day. We had enjoyed the snow and small-town comforts of West Virginia, but we both felt more at home in Manhattan Beach.

It was early afternoon and we had both finished our last exams that morning, so we celebrated with a quick lunch at Manhattan Pizzeria, then went back to collect and change into our surfing gear and jogged back down the hill to the beach.

It was the perfect day for surfing. The weather had been warm lately, warmer than usual for this time of year, and the waves were swelling. Many other surfers were out on the water, catching wave after wave.

I looked over at Peeta as we ran and couldn't help the flush that raced up my neck and into my face. He was wearing one of the new black surf shirts I had gotten him and I silently thanked myself for buying it. It hugged him in all the right ways, complementing the muscles of his chest and abdomen. His hair was messy from the wind and he had a few freckles that had popped out on his nose since we'd been out in the sun so much lately.

The past few months had been so much better than the first few months of our relationship. Neither of us was putting pressure on the other to say or do anything we didn't want to do yet, but I knew that the time was getting close. I loved him. I was in love with him. I was just waiting for the right time to say it.

When we ran into the water, sending warm sprays over our feet, I noticed his exposed calves beneath his board shorts. They were toned and tan and the darker hair on them just made him seem so masculine and sexy. I shook my head, not wanting to distract myself with those thoughts while I swam into the choppy waters.

We laid down flat on our boards and paddled out to the deeper water, venturing a little farther than the end of the pier. The rest of the day was spent on the water. I had finally gotten to the point where I considered myself to be more than an amateur surfer and was getting better at keeping up with Peeta.

But I kept finding it hard to focus. I wasn't sure if it was the warm sun, the bright blue waves, the relief of being done with school for the summer, or what, but I just felt this warmth for him in my chest all day. More than usual.

Every time he climbed up onto his surfboard, I would notice new things about him. Like the dimples of his lower back when his surf shirt would ride up, or the look of intense concentration he got on his face as he worked to maintain his balance, or the way his legs flexed under him. Or the way his board shorts curved around his backside. I think he might have caught me staring more than once, because he kept sending me sheepish smirks.

Before we knew it, the sun was nearly setting. We finally slowed down and sat on our surfboards a moment to catch our breath before paddling back to the beach.

The sand clung to our wet feet and legs as we walked back up the beach and found a quiet place to sit, away from all of the tourists that had come to watch Manhattan Beach's famous sunsets. We laid our surfboards down and then plopped down onto the sand, our knees bent and raised so our legs wouldn't be totally covered in sand.

I leaned close to Peeta, linking my arm through his and resting my chin on his shoulder to watch the breathtaking sunset. He turned his head to kiss me gently before turning back to the sky that was now his favorite color. The soft orange with strokes of gold and pink. It looked like someone had taken a paintbrush to the heavens.

We watched in silence for a while, listening to the waves breaking on the shore and then pulling back out to recollect and break again. I felt so comfortable and so happy in that moment, feeling Peeta's heat beside me, watching his profile as he took in the beauty before him.

"I love you."

The words fell easily from my lips in a quiet voice. But it must have been the only sound Peeta heard in that moment. He froze and I could see his eyes grow wide before he turned to look at me with a look of longing on his face, as if he wasn't really sure I had just said it, but was really hoping that I did.

"You just said you love me. Real or not real?" he asked, his ocean-blue eyes boring into mine.

"Real," I breathed out and then I captured his lips with my own, as if to seal my words.

He returned the kiss with equal fervor, his hands coming up to tenderly cup my face, his body angling toward mine so that our chests were flush against each other.

It was as if it was just us on that beach, bathed in the light of the setting sun. Our arms were wrapping around each other to somehow get closer. I could taste the saltwater on his lips and felt the sand clinging to him as tightly as I was.

I was quickly realizing I was only clad in a surf shirt and bikini bottoms, as every stroke of his tongue against mine sent streaks of flame down to my core. He was setting me on fire and a public beach was definitely not the place to do that, so with some serious determination, I managed to pull away.

He looked a little dazed, his eyes dark as midnight, but when I whispered in a husky voice, "Take me home," the dazed look fled and he practically jumped up from the sand. We grabbed our boards and each other's hands and essentially ran back to the cafe.

We somehow made it into my apartment, banging into the door, walls and furniture as we went into a passionate frenzy, scrabbling at each other's bodies to maintain physical contact and not wanting to break our heated kiss.

His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist as he pushed me backward into my bedroom, his mouth devouring my own. We were panting heavily when I fell back onto my bed with him hovering above me.

Finally, he had a better angle to start kissing my neck, recklessly leaving marks on his path down to my collarbone. Every kiss, lick and suck further kindling my need for him. The hem of his surf shirt was hanging down loosely above me and I reached up to tear it off. He helped me, so he could immediately go back to my neck.

I let my fingers claw down his back and I felt, more than heard, a deep, primal groan in the back of his throat. Suddenly, his hands were at the hem of my own surf shirt, and in one quick movement he had it tugged off over my head and discarded it to the floor. Sand was being flung everywhere, but neither of us cared.

He went back to my collarbone and tugged down one of the straps of my bikini top as he began kissing down my shoulder. He left wet kisses on the exposed parts of my breasts before I leaned up to untie my bikini, letting it fall away from me.

My bare nipples, which were already hard from arousal, perked up even further at the exposure. Peeta's warm mouth closed over one of them and I let out a gasp of pleasure, his tongue lavishing it and his teeth nipping it ever-so gently.

I arched up into him and felt his hardened length push against me. A surge of warmth pooled between my legs and I moaned out his name.

He continued his reverie on my breasts for a while, each stroke of his tongue seemed to draw his hips closer and closer to mine, and then I felt his hardened length press against my core as he started rocking into me.

I let out a loud sigh and said God, I love you again before I let my fingers trail down between us to untie his board shorts.

He didn't stop me this time, but raised his hips a little bit instead to grant me easier access. His eyes stayed locked on my face when I had completely untied his board shorts and then slowly started to push them down his legs.

I had never seen him totally naked before, and wanted to drink him in fully. To appreciate him the way I'd fantasized about for so long. So I lowered my eyes to look at him. He was large and ready for me, persistently pressing against me. Looking back into his eyes, I took him in one of my hands.

He let out a breath that blew across my face and tried to maintain eye contact, but his eyes fell closed involuntarily when I began stroking him up and down. After just a few moments, though, he stopped me, blushing as he told me he wanted this to last.

I nodded in understanding and then noticed he was glancing down to the last piece of clothing between us. My bikini bottoms. I quickly hooked my thumbs into them and pulled them down, throwing them off to the side with the rest of our discarded clothing. I opened my legs a little bit to cradle his hips between my thighs.

He tentatively lowered himself back down, letting his manhood press against my core. We both let out a breathy sigh and moaned each other's names after he collected himself and started grinding into me.

But it just wasn't enough. I wanted all of him. I wanted him to fill me up and claim me as his own.

"Please, Peeta," I begged. "More...I want all of you."

I knew I sounded desperate, but I was really starting to feel that way. The ache in my core was begging to be released and I needed him for that.

He leaned down and kissed me deeply as I felt one of his hands move from beside my head where he'd been holding himself up, to reach down and take himself in his hand. I was a little worried that it would hurt, but I knew I was already slick with arousal which would ease the pain somewhat.

I felt him gently probe my entrance and once he was lined up, he placed his hand back beside my head to hold himself up, and then with a hesitant thrust of his hips, he slowly pushed into me.

His face went slack and his eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment as he sheathed himself inside me. It wasn't exactly a pleasant sensation for me at first, but once I adjusted to accommodate his size and felt my internal muscles relax, I nodded to urge him on.

He slowly started rocking his hips back and forth, pulling nearly all the way out of me and then sliding back in, his eyes never leaving mine, except for the brief moments when the pleasure mounted and he lost himself.

Finally, the friction on the outside combined with the way he was filling me up on the inside started giving way to pleasure. The coiling in my belly was starting.

"Faster," I urged, letting my legs fall open even more and angling my hips upward.

I could see in his face just how hard he was fighting to restrain himself. I knew he wanted to pound into me with reckless abandon, but he wouldn't do that until I climaxed first. With this new angle, though, it wasn't going to take long.

I wrapped my legs around the backs of his thighs to pull him closer and tighter to me and he trembled slightly as a bit of his restraint slipped. Finally, the angle was just right, and I could feel myself getting closer and closer.

I gasped out his name and might have even let a few curse words slip out before I arched my back and felt my climax rush through my body. I loudly moaned out his name and then he joined me in my bliss, pulling out at the last possible second and spilling himself onto my lower abdomen.

I felt the warm pearly liquid spurt over me before his body collapsed onto mine, his head laying on my breasts. His breath burst over my bare chest, sending goosebumps over my flesh.

Once he finally caught his breath, he rose from the bed and headed to the bathroom. I heard water running briefly before he came back into the room with a wet washcloth. He tenderly cleaned me off as I continued to lie there, feeling as if I had become part of the bed, so deeply I had melted into it.

He tossed the used washcloth back into the bathroom and then laid back down next to me, pulling me onto my side so we could tangle our bare limbs together. He planted several kisses on my face before planting a long, deep one on my mouth.

"That was amazing," he breathed.

I smiled sleepily. "Definitely worth the wait."

His smile broadened, a hint of pride on his features.

"I love you, Katniss," he said, kissing me again.

"I love you too," I replied when he pulled back away.

I thought his grin might split his face. "I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing you say that."

"I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner," I replied, running a hand down his cheek.

"Don't be," he said genuinely, capturing my hand and kissing the inside of my wrist lightly, making me shiver. "I wanted you to be ready. And, like you said, it was worth the wait."

We laid there in silence for awhile, feeling the tendrils of a deep sleep creeping in after a full day of surfing and then an evening of love-making.

"We should go surfing again in the morning," I whispered, just before I surrendered to my drowsiness.

"Can't wait," he replied sleepily before we both drifted into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE AHEAD

_~Peeta~_

The early morning sun shining through the window stirred me out of one of the best and deepest sleeps I'd ever had. As I slowly withdrew from sleep, I opened my eyes and suddenly felt more awake.

I was in Katniss's room. Her head was on my bare chest, the blanket only covering up to our waists. I could feel her bare breasts pressing against me. One of her legs was wrapped around mine under the sheets.

The events of the night before flooded my mind. She'd said she loved me. We had made love for the first time. God, it had all been so amazing.

When she'd told me she loved me, I knew she meant it. The look in her eyes had confirmed that along with the kiss she'd given me following her words. After she said it and I knew she'd meant it, I just couldn't hold back anymore. We'd finally both said that we loved each other, so I wanted to show it through our actions as well.

I could feel myself hardening as images of last night flitted through my mind. The way she looked bare beneath me. The look in her eyes when she untied my board shorts and removed them from my body. The way her tight walls felt around me as I moved inside her.

I noticed the tent forming at my groin and shifted uncomfortably. But, apparently, I had woken up Katniss when I moved - or maybe she'd already been awake. Without a word, one of her hands trailed down my stomach and slipped under the covers to wrap around my erection.

I groaned appreciatively, my eyes rolling back into my head. I felt her shift beside me without releasing me and then her mouth was on mine. Her tongue immediately reaching out to stroke mine.

Despite our morning breath, this was the sweetest kiss I'd ever tasted. Too soon, she pulled away from my mouth and began leaving a trail of kisses down my neck, chest and abdomen. When she reached the edge of the sheets, she pulled them down, freeing my manhood.

With one last sultry look, her lips were suddenly wrapped around my erection. I involuntarily let out a strangled moan, a mixture of surprise and pleasure. She continued to work me, using her hand to cover what her mouth couldn't.

Being her first time ever doing this, her teeth grazed me a couple of times at first and I inhaled a sharp breath. She gave me a sympathetic look and pulled away after she did it the second time.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm trying to figure it out."

"You're doing fine," I replied, letting out a breathy laugh. "Just...trying covering your teeth."

She nodded and then took my advice, taking me into her mouth again.

It didn't take long for me to start feeling that familiar ache. I was getting close, but I didn't want to finish this way. So, before I succumbed to her mouth on me, I sat up, causing her to pull away in surprise, grabbed her shoulders and gently pushed her down on her back.

I claimed her mouth as my own, nudging her legs open and then reached down to touch her core. As I ran my fingers over her slick folds, she let out a loud gasp. I let one of my fingers slide inside her, then another, before I began slowly pumping them in and out of her. She was making small noises of pleasure in the back of her throat.

Feeling that she was sufficiently ready for me, I kissed her again, then took myself in my hand and lined myself up with her entrance. I slowly pushed into her, not wanting to hurt her since this was only the second time we were doing this and she let out a breathy sigh that contained my name.

I groaned a little at the sensation of her walls squeezing me. Before long, I was practically pounding into her and neither of us were being very quiet about how good it felt for both of us.

When she climaxed, I felt her walls contract around me, sending me into my own release. I quickly pulled out of her, thinking, as I had last night, that I really should buy some condoms. I collapsed on her and fought to catch my breath.

"Good morning," Katniss said with a sheepish chuckle.

I laughed, sitting up to look at her face.

"Good morning to you too," I replied, giving her a gentle kiss. "I could wake up like this every day."

"Me too," she smiled.

"I love you," I said, kissing her nose.

"I love you too."

I rolled off of her and looked at the clock on her night stand. It was only 7:00, but I didn't feel tired or like I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Do you still want to go surfing this morning?" Katniss asked as if she read my thoughts.

"Yeah," I said, rising from the bed to find my surfing attire. "I love morning surfs."

"We haven't done it in awhile," she added, standing from the bed and then leaning down to pick up her discarded bikini. "It'll be nice to go before we have to work in the cafe this afternoon."

After we'd put our swimming suits and surf shirts back on and retrieved our boards, giggling playfully while we did, we headed down to the cafe.

Annie was working this morning and greeted us with her usual cheerful smile.

"Good morning, Annie," I said kindly.

"Hi, Peeta! Hi, Katniss!" she replied in her warm way. "You guys going surfing this morning?"

"Yeah," I replied. "But we need something to eat first."

"Of course! What can I get you?"

We both ordered some iced coffees and breakfast sandwiches before we sat down at one of the tables inside, leaning our surfboards against the wall.

"I like her," Katniss said, looking at Annie.

"Me too," I chuckled. "She's such a kind soul. I've been trying to set her up with Finnick."

Katniss gave me a funny look. "Finnick? He doesn't seem like her type."

"I know you think Finnick's a party boy, but he's actually a really nice guy. He likes to have fun, but he's very genuine," I explained. "I think they would be great together."

Katniss still didn't look convinced but she didn't have time to respond before Annie brought our coffees and sandwiches over to us.

Eager to be out on the water, we wolfed down our food, discarded our trash and exited the cafe, jogging down the hill toward the beach.

For being early in the morning, the day was already hot. But I knew the water would feel refreshing, so I raced Katniss into the water. A few other surfers were already out there, wanting to avoid the crowds of people that would undoubtedly show up later due to the heat.

I saw Haymitch and Finnick in the lifeguard tower and waved to them. They yelled good morning at us and waved back.

Katniss and I eagerly rushed into the water, seeking the refreshing coolness after already breaking a sweat just from the run down here. The water felt a little warmer than it usually did, but still brought relief from the hot air.

Like the day before, the weather was perfect for surfing. The breeze, the swelling waves, the clear blue skies. We rode out several waves and raced each other to reach them as they crested, laughing and sending each other broad smiles with a hint of shyness over the knowledge of what had happened last night...and this morning.

Everything just felt so right. No more doubt of her love gnawing at the back of my mind, we'd demonstrated our love for each other physically and now we were both enjoying the beautiful day out on the ocean, enjoying our favorite hobby.

Katniss and I were out past the pier, sitting on our boards near each other, catching our breath for a moment, when the sound of a helicopter could be heard over the churning waters. We both looked up, squinting a bit in the sun when we spotted it flying above us.

Suddenly, a loud voice could be heard coming from the radio of the helicopter.

"Attention in the water, attention in the water," the voice boomed.

Katniss and I looked up at it, confused.

Was he talking to us?

"This is the Manhattan Beach Sheriff's Department," the voice continued. "We are making this announcement to let you know there are approximately four juvenile great white sharks swimming near you."

Katniss and I looked at each other, our eyes wide before we both began scanning the water, searching for the sharks.

"We are advising you to calmly exit the water," the voice finished. But the helicopter continued circling around us, probably to make sure we made it back to shore safely.

My eyes continued scanning the water, looking for the dark shapes beneath the surface. My heart was racing and it turned to thudding when I saw a dorsal fin peak out of the water just fifteen feet away from Katniss.

I swallowed thickly and kept my eyes trained on it. It was circling us, preparing for an attack. Judging from the dark shape swimming beneath the fin, it was around six feet long.

"Katniss," I began as calmly as I could. "There is a shark circling us."

I could see her chest begin rising rapidly as she turned her head back and forth to find the shark. When she spotted it, her eyes widened in panic.

"Peeta…" she said, fear dripping from her voice.

"Stay calm," I continued, pushing my own terror away to remain clear-headed. "But we have to get off of our boards."

"Why?" she asked, her eyes widening even more.  
"We need to make ourselves as small a target as possible," I explained. "Try to move as slowly and calmly as you can."

She nodded and followed my lead as I slowly slid into the water, being careful not to splash or do anything else that might draw the shark's attention further.

The water somehow felt much colder and seemed much darker than it had before. The waves were persistent and frequent, making it more difficult to keep track of the shark. But I could see its fin poke out of the water every few feet as it continued circling. It was drawing closer.

I inched my way over to Katniss, trying to move my arms and legs as little as possible, until we were flush against each other.

She was breathing rapidly. Her adrenaline was kicking in like mine, but the terror in her eyes was still evident.

"Okay," I said lowly. "We're going to put our backs to each other to keep an eye on the shark."

"We're not going to try to swim to shore?" she asked, her voice shaking.

I hated to scare her even more, but I had to tell her the truth. If I didn't, it could get one or both of us killed.

I shook my head. "No. The shark's already positioning itself for attack. We need to keep our eyes on it. Don't lose it. And if it lunges, fight it. Punch its nose, eyes, gills, whatever you can."

She nodded her head and I saw her lips tremble. I slowly took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly, the leather strap of the bracelet I gave her brushing against my fingers. We slowly turned our backs to each other, being careful to maintain physical contact between us.

Even though we were moving to keep ourselves afloat, I could feel her body quivering against me in the water. The black tendrils of panic were lurking on the edge of my mind, but I wouldn't let myself give in to them. I couldn't think about how this could possibly turn out for us. I had to focus on keeping us alive.

"Do you see the shark?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied. "It's going into your line of vision now."

Right then I saw the fin again on my right side, moving in an arc around to my left.

"Back to you," I stated.

We continued this for what felt like an eternity, but what must have only been a few minutes. The shark circling us, drawing a tiny bit closer each time.

"Peeta," Katniss suddenly said in a panicked voice.

I turned my head, trying to look at her.

"It's changing - it's doing something - it's moving toward me!" she practically screamed.

Without even thinking, I turned, wrapped my arms around Katniss's waist and spun her back out of the path of the charging shark, practically pushing her underwater to cover her body with my own.

It felt like a car slammed into my leg. I didn't even feel the pain of the bite. The collision was so forceful it made my vision blur. My muscles didn't seem to want to work properly anymore and I released my tight hold on Katniss.

I was struggling to regain my vision and wondered at first if I was really seeing red in the water. But despite my mind already trying to shut me down and protect me from the pain, I knew it was blood. My blood.

I could vaguely hear Katniss screaming. I barely registered the arms that were wrapping around me to keep my head above the surface. Everything was fading from red to black. I couldn't seem to gain control over limbs. The blackness kept creeping in, and then I finally succumbed to it.

_~Katniss~_

This couldn't be happening. It was all just a nightmare. Like the one I'd had at Thanksgiving.

One moment the shark was charging me, and the next, Peeta was spinning me around in the water, using his own body to shield me from the attack.

I didn't even know where it had bitten him, but the blue waters around me were rapidly turning red and I could see Peeta was quickly losing consciousness.

I hooked my arms under his shoulders to keep his head above the water and started screaming for help as I started swimming in the direction of the shore.

Peeta's body was feeling heavier and heavier as he drifted further into unconsciousness when suddenly I saw Finnick and Haymitch swimming toward us. They must have seen what happened after the man in the helicopter gave us his warning, but didn't have time to get a boat.

Before I knew what was happening, they had reached us, wrapped their arms around Peeta and started swimming back to shore with him. Somehow, I managed to keep up with them. I tried not to acknowledge the blood left in our wake in the water.

When they reached the beach, a swarm of lifeguards rushed over to help Finnick and Haymitch carry Peeta and administer the first-aid that they could. Although, I didn't know how much help that would be.

I followed behind the huddle of lifeguards, ignoring the trail of blood on the dry sand, and tried to see Peeta in their midst. I caught glimpses of his pale face. Of the bloody mess of his leg...or what was left of it.

But when I tried to push my way through, Finnick gently pulled me back and turned me to face him. I noticed all the red droplets of water that were clinging to him and my vision blurred.

"Katniss," he said in a serious tone. "You don't want to look."

Despite the tears that were now creeping down my cheeks, I tried to break free of his grip and get to Peeta anyway. But Finnick gripped my arm firmly.

"Katniss," he pleaded, his green eyes boring into mine. "Trust me."

And then I lost it. The tears streaming down my face as the adrenaline wore off. I was choking back sobs and Finnick pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.

"Is-is he...is he going to be okay?" I asked in between sobs.

But Finnick didn't answer me. He just continued to hold me tightly, running his hands up and down my back trying to soothe me.

An ambulance finally showed up and the huddle of lifeguards moved aside for the paramedics who were carrying a stretcher between them. When the lifeguards moved away, I glanced down at Peeta as Finnick continued to hold me.

I made my eyes only focus on his face, although the edges of my vision could see the cloth that was wrapped around Peeta's leg, practically soaked in blood. His eyes were closed and his face was whiter than a sheet of paper. I couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

The paramedics got him onto the stretcher and rapidly strapped him down before lugging him back to the ambulance. I vaguely noticed that a crowd had gathered, people curious to see what all the fuss was about.

I tried to break away from Finnick to run to the ambulance and ride with Peeta, but Finnick caught me again.

"They won't let you ride with him," he explained when I turned back to him with a furious glare. "You're not family. I'll drive you to the hospital."

I nodded in gratitude and we ran to where he'd parked his car, quickly got in and sped off toward the hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

_~Katniss~_

Finnick somehow managed to keep up with the ambulance as it wove in and out of traffic to the closest hospital. When we reached it, Finnick threw his car into park as the back doors of the ambulance opened and they pulled Peeta out on the stretcher.

Some nurses exited the hospital, pulling a gurney between them and the paramedics transferred him onto it.

He's alive, I thought. Or they wouldn't be transferring him in such a hurry.

As Finnick and I ran over to them, I got a glimpse of Peeta on the gurney. I couldn't see his face very well, since he was now wearing an oxygen mask, but from what I could see, his face was still deathly pale and he was still unconscious. His leg was wrapped up and his surf shirt had been removed. Smears of blood splayed across his stomach.

When the doctors and nurses started pulling the gurney back inside, Finnick and I tried to follow, but they wouldn't let us. They said they were taking him straight into surgery but that if he had any family, we should contact them immediately.

I was starting to hyperventilate. I just wanted to be with Peeta. To hold his hand and make sure he would be okay. Finnick took notice and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders as he led me inside.

We were directed into a waiting room by some nurses and Finnick gently eased me down onto a chair once we reached it.

"Katniss," he began as if he were talking to a small child. "We need to call Peeta's dad. Do you have his number?"

I shook my head. Neither Peeta or I had brought our cell phones to the beach with us. They were both probably back in my apartment, discarded on the floor somewhere.

"I don't have my phone," I said miserably.

"Do you remember his number?" he asked.

I shook my head again.

"Okay. It's okay," he replied. "I'll figure it out."

I watched as he stood up from kneeling in front of me and walked to the nurse's station. I barely registered that he was talking to the nurse, probably figuring out a way to reach Mr. Mellark. I saw him motion toward me and the nurse gave me a sympathetic look.

I looked away quickly, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. I didn't want to lose it again. So I just sat there, still in my damp bikini and surf shirt, fiddling with the pearl on the bracelet Peeta had given me for Christmas.

I lost track of time, so I'm not sure how long I sat there before I looked up as someone frantically entered the room. It was Mr. Mellark. His face pale, hair disheveled and blue eyes wide with panic.

Finnick had been silently sitting beside me and quickly rose from his seat, rushing over to Mr. Mellark. I'm not sure what Finnick said to him, I still felt like I was in a bubble. Not hearing anything, not even feeling anything at this point. Just numb. I was now grasping the pearl tightly in my hand, as if Peeta's life depended on my ability to keep the pearl safe.

Mr. Mellark asked the nurses something but they must have told him what they'd told Finnick and me, that Peeta was in surgery and we needed to wait.

Finnick guided Mr. Mellark over to me, gesturing to the chair beside me. I looked up tentatively as Mr. Mellark stopped in front of me and our eyes met. Even though I knew he was crushed and probably terrified of what had happened to Peeta, I saw the empathy in his eyes as well. He knew what Peeta meant to me and he saw my hurt and fear too.

He silently opened his arms and, without hesitation, I rose from my chair and fell into them. My head landed against his shoulder as I wrapped my arms tightly around him and he enveloped me in his own. And then a fresh wave of fear and hopelessness hit me and I lost it again, my tears soaking his shirt.

All the questions I'd been trying to avoid flooded my mind now.

How could this happen?

Why did it happen to Peeta?

What if he didn't make it?

How could I survive without him?

How would life ever be the same?

Mr. Mellark soothed me, running his arms up and down my back, kissing the top of my head as if he could hear each terrifying question rattling around in there.

"He'll be okay, Katniss," he whispered raspily. "He'll fight to stay with you."

I clung to those words. I was almost afraid to, but they were all I had. It was so hard to believe that just this morning at sunrise, Peeta and I were making love in my bed and now he might not live to see the sunset.

"Mr. Mellark?" a voice suddenly asked.

Mr. Mellark gave me one final squeeze and then pulled away from me to address the surgeon who had asked for him.

"I'm Dr. Trinket," she introduced herself, shaking Mr. Mellark's hand. She was wearing a surgical mask that was now pulled down to her neck and a surgical cap on her head.

"This is Peeta's girlfriend, Katniss and his friend, Finnick," Mr. Mellark said, gesturing toward Finnick and me.

Dr. Trinket nodded to us kindly.

"What news do you have for us?" Mr. Mellark asked.

"Peeta is out of surgery," she began. "He is stable and in recovery."

Mr. Mellark, Finnick and I released the breaths we were holding and I felt tears of relief drip from my eyes.

"However," she began and I felt my heart begin to thud again. "Due to the significant loss of blood and severe tissue damage, we were unable to save his leg. We had to amputate it."

She paused a moment to let her words sink in.

The three of us stood there silently, all of us, I'm sure, thinking of how this would affect Peeta.

"Recovery will be challenging," she continued. "But with the right support, he will learn how to live as an amputee. He will also be eligible for a prosthetic leg, if he so desires, but he will need to heal first, which will take between four and eight weeks."

"But he'll be okay?" Finnick asked, voicing the question I couldn't seem to ask myself.

Dr. Trinket smiled warmly. "We are hopeful that he will be. He will likely need counselling, as this has obviously been quite a traumatic event and we want to make sure he heals psychologically as well as physically."

"Thank you, Dr. Trinket," Mr. Mellark stated, his voice a bit shaky. "When can we see him?"

"They should be taking him to a room now. You can go there now so that you're there when he wakes. But remember that he doesn't know he's lost a leg yet. So be gentle and supportive," she advised.

"We will," Mr. Mellark replied. "Thank you, again."

She smiled kindly and then directed us to Peeta's room. When we reached it, we seemed to collectively take a breath.

"I'll wait," Finnick said quietly, breaking the silence as we stood outside the door. "I'll let you guys go in and have your time with him. I'll be in the waiting room, though, so keep me posted."

"Alright," Mr. Mellark replied, giving Finnick a handshake and a hug. "Thank you so much, Finnick. I know you were risking your own life to get him out of the water. I can't ever thank you enough."

Finnick smiled gently and I thought I saw him blink back tears before he replied, "Peeta's my best mate. I know he would have done the same for me."

Mr. Mellark shook his hand one more time and then entered the room, leaving Finnick and me alone in the quiet hallway.

Without a word, I reached up to wrap my arms around Finnick's neck and hug him tightly.

"Thank you," was all I managed to get out. I knew I owed Finnick so much more than that but my throat kept sticking. Peeta was only alive because Finnick and Haymitch helped me get him out of the water.

"Don't mention it, Katniss. Just let me know when he wakes up," he said, giving me a sweet but friendly kiss on the cheek.

"I will," I promised.

With that, he walked back down the hall toward the waiting room and I took a deep breath to steady myself before silently entering Peeta's hospital room.

Mr. Mellark was sitting on a chair next to the bed, his eyes locked on Peeta's face. I followed his gaze and felt the breath leave me at the sight of Peeta in the bed.

He was propped up in the bed and was now wearing a hospital gown. The thin white blankets covered him to his waist so we couldn't see the absence of his leg. Although, there were several tubes snaking out from under the blanket, connected to various bags. His face was still pale and dark circles were under his eyes, but his cheeks had a very slight tinge of pink in them. His dark blond hair was sticking out in all directions and oxygen tubes were inserted into his nostrils. His head was slightly turned toward where I was standing at the door and I desperately wanted his eyes to open then. To see the deep blue of them, to get lost in their depths. To see his smiling face and feel his lips against mine.

I noticed the chair on the side of the bed opposite Mr. Mellark and quietly sank down into it, taking Peeta's hand in mine, being careful of the wires and tubes attached to him.

I lost track of how long we sat there, keeping watch over Peeta, hoping that every second that passed would be the one that he opened his eyes.

After about an hour, Mr. Mellark stood up and said he was going to find some coffee for us. I nodded in gratitude, but didn't move from my seat, still clutching Peeta's cold hand.

A few minutes after he left, I felt Peeta's fingers start to twitch. I snapped fully awake, raising my head from the bed to look at his face. His eyes were starting to move beneath his eyelids and then, finally, his lashes parted as he slowly opened his eyes.

His eyes met mine and I gave him a watery smile as tears blurred my vision.

"Peeta," I breathed out, kissing the back of his hand I was holding.

"Katniss?" he croaked out, seeming grateful to see me but a bit confused. "Where am I?"

I squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"You're in the hospital," I stated. "You had to have surgery."

His eyes narrowed slightly. "Surgery?"

"Yeah. Do you...do you remember? The shark attack?"

His eyes flitted away from mine as he tried to think.

"I...think so. We were surfing," he stated, but it was more of a question.

"Yes, and then we got the warning from the helicopter," I added, practically in a whisper.

He nodded slightly. "There was a shark circling us. I remember...it was charging you and...I spun you out of the way...I can't remember anything after that…" He was undoubtedly having a hard time getting his thoughts together, the anesthesia and trauma fogging his mind.

I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him.

"You saved me," I said, feeling what felt like the millionth tear of the day slip down my cheek. "You let the shark attack you instead of me. I can't believe you did that. I don't deserve you..."

His hand came up to brush the tears from my cheeks. I felt warmth spread from where his fingertips brushed my skin.

His eyes bore into mine as he replied, "I would do it again if I had to. I love you, Katniss. Always."

I smiled again as more tears fell and I leaned my cheek into his warm palm. "I love you too. So, so much."

And then I leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. I felt only a gentle pressure from his lips as he was still pretty weak, but his hand brushed against my neck and sent a shiver through me. I was so grateful that he was alive.

After we pulled apart, we rested our foreheads against each other.

"I thought I had lost you," I whispered, as if I was afraid of the words.

"You'll never lose me, Katniss," he replied, planting another feathery light kiss against my lips.

We separated, and I reached up to continue running my fingers through his hair. His eyes kept falling closed, so I thought he was falling asleep, but then he asked so quietly I barely heard him, "So did the shark...bite me?"

I swallowed thickly, remembering what Dr. Trinket had said about Peeta not knowing he'd lost a leg.

"Yes," I answered cautiously.

"And I needed surgery?" he asked.

I nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"What exactly did I have surgery for?"

I was afraid to tell him. Afraid of how the news would devastate him. I wondered if he could feel that he was missing a leg but figured the anesthesia had kept him pretty numb.

"Peeta, you...you lost a lot of blood," I said, trying not to picture the red water and the blood trail on the sand.

He waited silently for me to continue.

"They tried...they tried to save it. Your leg. But…" I trailed off, unable to finish.

He continued to stare at me a moment, his eyes narrowed in confusion. But then realization dawned on him and his eyes grew wide with alarm and shock. He sat up and yanked the blankets back.

I tried not to look, not wanting him to feel ashamed or embarrassed, but I couldn't help myself. One of his legs was exposed beneath the hospital gown, still strong and lean. But his other leg ended about mid-thigh. It was wrapped in thick, sterile pads and a couple of tubes disappeared into the wrapping.

When he didn't move or say anything, I looked back at his face. He was pale again, his eyes wide and his mouth parted slightly in shock.

"Peeta?" I said quietly, reaching for his hand.

But his hand remained limp in mine.

"Peeta," I continued, taking a breath. "The doctor said you can get a prosthetic leg once you heal up. You can try to get back to normal."

"Normal?!" Peeta said suddenly, his eyes snapping to mine, flaming.

I instinctively leaned away from him in surprise at his angry outburst.

"You think I'll ever be normal again, Katniss?" he continued, his voice rising.

"I didn't mean -"

"Nothing will ever be normal! I'll have to relearn to walk, won't be able to surf or swim, probably won't even be able to walk on sand. I'm sure I'll be really great in bed," he added bitterly.

I felt my face flush at his words and then my own anger rose. He was being so pessimistic. And while I sympathized with him, didn't he know just how grateful we all were that he was alive? Things would be different, but after having felt that paralyzing terror over whether or not he would survive, I felt that we could overcome any obstacle now that he had survived.

"We'll figure it out, Peeta! I'm not even worried about that right now! I'm just happy you're alive!" Peeta flinched at my high-pitched voice but I continued. "I was so afraid, Peeta! So afraid that you were dead. You didn't see all the blood in the water. The blood on the sand. How deathly pale you were. Finnick wouldn't even let me see how bad your leg was because he thought you were going to die too!"

I could see Peeta's own anger deflating so I continued my speech a little more calmly, taking his face in my hands when he refused to meet my eyes. I could see his own were shining with tears.

"I know it will be hard, Peeta. I know. But I'm here. Your dad is here. Finnick is sitting out in the waiting room right now waiting to see you. We all care about you deeply. We'll get through this. You'll get through this."

After I finished, Peeta slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. Tears were spilling down his cheeks.

"You're right," he whispered, closing his eyes. A few more tears escaped through his lashes.

"You're right," he said again. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I know this hasn't been easy on you either."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and gently brushed his own tears away from his cheeks.

"I'm okay as long as you're okay," I replied as I gave him another kiss.

He returned the kiss this time, capturing my lips in his own and holding my face tenderly to keep me in place. Our tongues tentatively reached out to each other and I realized he still tasted like saltwater. I could feel the oxygen tube that was still inserted in his nostrils rubbing against my upper lip but I didn't care. I needed this. He needed this.

After a few more moments we pulled away.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?"

"For staying with me," he replied, smiling appreciatively at me.

Now it was my turn to say, "Always."

_~Peeta~_

A few minutes later, Dad came into the room, carrying two Styrofoam cups filled with coffee. When he saw I was awake, he nearly dropped the steaming cups before quickly placing them on the counter by the sink and rushing over to my bedside, opposite of Katniss.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he gave me a tight hug, being mindful of the tubes and wires connected to me in various places.

"You gave us quite a scare," he said as he released me and pulled up the chair to sit down. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," I replied, becoming aware of myself to see if I was really being honest. "I still can't really feel anything below my waist, though."

I saw his eyes glance down to the space where my leg should be.

"Did Katniss tell you…?" he trailed off.

"She did," I responded, giving him a reassuring smile to let him know I was okay with this new information - or at least I was trying to be. "I'm just happy to be alive."

I saw Katniss smile appreciatively at me out of the corner of my eye.

"We are too," Dad said. "That was the scariest phone call I've ever received."

"Did Finnick reach you?" Katniss asked.

"Yeah," Dad began. "I guess neither of you had your cell phones on you, though, and, of course, no one memorizes phone numbers anymore. But he managed to find the number for the cafe and asked Annie for my number. Speaking of Finnick, he and Haymitch are in the waiting room."

"Haymitch too?" Katniss inquired.

Dad nodded. "I stopped to talk to him for a moment. He said he hadn't heard anything and wanted to see what was going on, so he drove up here too."

"I'll go get them," Katniss volunteered. "If that's okay?"

"Of course," I replied.

A couple of minutes later, Haymitch and Finnick walked in, still wearing their lifeguard board shorts and t-shirts.

"Hey, Peet!" Finnick greeted in his usual way. "Glad to see you awake!"

I greeted him back before adding, "I hear I have you two to thank for saving me out there."

Haymitch waved a hand as if to say it was no big deal.

"Just doing our jobs," he stated.

But, really, I knew they had actually done more than their job required. I knew that in situations where sharks were present or had even attacked, lifeguards weren't supposed to enter the water because they would be risking their own lives. My situation was even worse because there had been blood in the water, which could have attracted more sharks. But Haymitch and Finnick had swum out to Katniss and me anyway. While I had a lot of confidence in Katniss's physical abilities, it would have taken her much longer to get me to shore on her own. If they hadn't risked their lives like that, I probably wouldn't even be alive.

"How did you even know to go out into the water?" Dad asked.

"Well, there was the announcement from the helicopter that the sharks were swimming nearby. We saw Katniss and Peet surfing out there and then we could just tell something more was up," Finnick began. "They both got off their boards but didn't appear to be swimming toward shore. Haymitch grabbed his binoculars and was then able to see the dorsal fin circling them. We called 911, anticipating an attack and then heard Katniss screaming for help. We didn't even hesitate."

I could see Katniss had started to cry again, but was trying to hide it.

"Well, thank you guys, again. I can't even put into words how grateful we are," Dad stated, wiping his own eyes.

Just then, a doctor walked in. She looked to be about Dad's age, which threw me off a bit because she was wearing hot pink scrubs. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and she wore a bright smile.

"Hello, Peeta," she greeted me. "Nice to see you awake. I'm Dr. Trinket. I'm the surgeon who operated on you."

It felt like a punch in the gut, the reminder that my leg had been amputated. And now I was meeting the woman who had removed it. But I pushed away the grief and disappointment, remembering what Katniss had said earlier about the support I would have.

"I would say it's nice to meet you, but under the circumstances…" I said good-naturedly, gesturing to the stump of my leg with a chuckle.

Everyone laughed, including Dr. Trinket.

"I understand," she replied.

She proceeded to give me the details of my recovery process and seemed very optimistic, which made me feel a little more confident. I could walk again one day. Maybe even surf again. After she gave Dad and Katniss some advice on how to best support me, she kindly told everyone that I needed my rest if I was to recover quickly.

Everyone obliged, Katniss a little more stubbornly than the rest, but after everyone said their goodbyes and exited the room, she told me she loved me and promised to be back in the morning. Just before she left, she leaned over me and left me with a surprisingly searing kiss that suddenly let me know I was no longer completely numb below my waist.


	10. Chapter 10

_~Katniss~_

A few weeks passed, and Peeta was finally released from the hospital. The stump of his leg had healed and he was getting fitted for a prosthetic leg. He would start physical therapy with it soon and we hoped that eventually he would be able to get back to the ocean.

I had done my best to put a brave face on for Peeta, as I knew he was restless and impatient to be done with his recovery, but it was getting more and more difficult to play the positive, happy girlfriend all the time.

I knew his recovery was hard on him even though he didn't complain. He had been seeing a counsellor to help him deal with the trauma he had endured, but he never confided in me whether he was struggling with the whole ordeal or not. Judging by the way he fidgeted in his hospital bed, the dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and the occasional shortness with the doctors and nurses, I assumed he was, though. I wanted to ask him about it, let him know that he could talk to me too if he needed, as I was struggling with nightmares myself, but I could never figure out how to ask him.

I was worried about him, but just kept hoping that once he was out of the hospital he would get better. At first, Mr. Mellark wanted Peeta to stay with him and Cecelia while he adjusted to his prosthetic leg, but I insisted that I would help him. It would be easier for me since I was still on summer vacation anyway. Mr. Mellark finally agreed and I spent the entire morning prior to Peeta's release getting his apartment ready for him. I made sure he had a clear pathway to all the rooms, put the new shower seat in the bathtub and set up a comfortable spot for him on the couch since I figured he'd spend quite a bit of time there for the first few days.

While I wheeled him out of the hospital, he seemed uncharacteristically quiet. But I was too afraid to ask him if he was okay...too afraid of the answer. One of the nurses and I got him into the SUV and then I was driving him home.

He still wasn't speaking, and I could no longer bear the silence so I finally asked, "You glad to be going home?"

"Yeah," he replied, but didn't add anything else.

"I'll take you to your appointment to get your prosthetic leg tomorrow, if you want," I volunteered, trying to keep the mood light.

"That's fine."

Discouraged by his short answers, I didn't say anything else the rest of the way home. Once we got there, I unloaded his crutches from the trunk of the car and helped him climb the stairs to his apartment. He was sweating and panting heavily when he plopped down onto his couch. While he was still lean, he'd lost some of the muscle tone he'd gained from surfing.

I hurried to the kitchen to get him some water as he sat there catching his breath. He smiled slightly in gratitude for the glass of water I handed him and then took a long drink. When he was done I asked, "Are you comfortable?"

"As well as I can be," he responded, shifting a bit to put his one leg up on the coffee table.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" I queried hopefully.

He shook his head, reaching for the remote to the TV. "No, you've done enough, Katniss."

I looked down, trying not to feel so defeated, but I didn't feel like I'd done nearly enough. The past few weeks, my mind had been riddled with guilt. He'd lost his leg because of me...to protect me. I knew he'd said the day of the attack that he'd do it again if he had to, but every night, in addition to being plagued with nightmares of the incident, I thought of all the things I could have done to prevent him from being attacked.

It wasn't fair that he'd lost his leg. That he might not ever surf again. That he would forever have this reminder of the terror of that day. That every time he entered the ocean he would now have this fear lurking in the back of his mind, like a shark in the depths.

The rest of the night, Peeta and I just watched TV. We didn't talk. We didn't cuddle. We weren't even touching. We just sat there, mindlessly binging a show.

I made sure he got in his bed safely and was comfortable before I left to sleep in my own apartment, making sure my cell phone was turned all the way up on my nightstand in case he needed something and called in the middle of the night. I doubted he would, though. He was acting so aloof and closed-off.

The next few days went by in similar fashion. Not much talking, barely any touching and always this awkward tension between us. I started to wonder if he was actually holding a grudge against me. Maybe he didn't even realize that he was, but I couldn't shake the thought once it entered my mind.

He got his new prosthetic leg and I took him in regularly for physical therapy so he could get used to it. Once we got home, though, he would immediately go into the bathroom and take it off because he was sore. I told him that he didn't need to hide away from me to remove it. That there was nothing to be embarrassed about, but he did anyway. You would have thought we'd never seen each other naked before. Never kissed or shared our secrets.

He continued to see a counsellor once a week, but just as before, he wouldn't open up to me about what they talked about.

Finally, one night I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was helping him get into bed when he made some comment about how he didn't need my help to get around anymore. He said it in a neutral tone, but all the guilt, confusion and anger I'd been holding in snapped.

"Fine, Peeta! I won't help you anymore! I'll stop checking on you and stop spending time with you! It clearly doesn't matter to you anyway! You can just go stay with your dad!"

He was looking at me with a bit of a startled expression but I continued.

"If you're mad at me, just fucking say it! It's my fault you lost your leg! My fault you can't surf anymore! I already hate myself for it! You won't talk to me or kiss me or even touch me, so you must hate me too!"

I didn't realize until I was done yelling that tears were streaming down my face in hot, salty rivulets. Shame and humiliation flooded through me with a rush and I turned away, stomping toward his bedroom door to leave.

"Katniss," he said pleadingly. "Please stay with me."

I stopped and took a breath before slowly turning around to find that he was crying too. My anger and shame melted away, and my heart clenched to see his evident pain. Clarity descended on me like a cool rain and I knew I'd been wrong. He didn't hate me. Of course, he didn't hate me. He was struggling, that was all. I'd let my own guilt and frustrations blind me.

In two strides I reached his bed and crawled under the covers beside him. Being careful not to bump the stump of his leg, I cuddled up next to him, putting my head on his chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. We laid there for a few minutes, silently soaking in each other's presence and the contact we'd so desperately missed.

Finally, he said, "I'm so sorry I made you feel like I was mad at you. Or that I hated you."

I shook my head as I turned to look at him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I shouldn't have said that, Peeta. I know you don't hate me," I replied, placing my hand gently on his cheek to turn his face toward mine.

"I could never hate you, Katniss," he said, his blue eyes swimming in tears. "And I don't regret what I did for you. I just...I'm just really struggling."

"I know," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his torso in an attempt to comfort him. "I just wish you would open up to me. Talk to me about how you're feeling."

"It's just hard," he replied. "I already feel like I have to relive that moment when I go to counselling and I don't want to relive it when I get home."

"I'm not expecting you to relive it," I told him. "I just want you to tell me what you're struggling with. I want to help you."

I paused for a moment before I quietly added, "I'm struggling too."

"You are?" he asked, incredulously.

I nodded. "I have nightmares about what happened. Almost every night."

I felt a few tears escape again at my admission.

"God, Katniss, I'm so sorry. I had no idea," he said, brushing away the tears from my cheeks.

"It's okay. I know you're dealing with a lot and I want to be there for you. I think it will help me heal too."

He nodded in understanding.

"Okay," he said. "I promise I'll be more open with you from now on."

"Okay," I replied, going to kiss his cheek gently, but he turned his head and planted a warm, firm kiss on my lips instead.

When we pulled apart, I put my head back on his chest and after a few blissful moments, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

_~Peeta~_

From that night on, things were much better between Katniss and me. I wouldn't go so far as to say they were the same as they were before the attack, but once the fog of my trauma and the uncertainty over having a prosthetic leg cleared, I started to feel like we were young and in love again.

My stamina improved and I was able to stand for longer periods of time, so we started cooking and baking together like we used to do in the cafe. More than once, we'd ended up smearing food on each other in a playful argument.

I still hadn't ventured out past the apartment yet; I was admittedly afraid of how I would react upon seeing the ocean for the first time since the attack. But we'd met with Finnick in the cafe a few times on days where I knew Annie was working.

Katniss had joined in on my plan to set them up and, the first time we met with Finnick, she introduced the two to each other and then proceeded to tell Annie how heroic Finnick had been, helping her get me out of the ocean.

Our plan had worked and the two had now been on four dates. Seeing them in their new relationship, the flirting, timid kisses and shy laughter, seemed to ignite something new between Katniss and me.

She still hadn't seen the stump of my leg, being too embarrassed about it on my part, despite her insistence that there was nothing to be ashamed of. And, of course, there was my constant insecurity about how things would be for us in bed now. Sometimes I couldn't help the frustration I felt over losing my leg the morning after we made love for the first time.

We kissed often now, but I never let things get past that and Katniss never pushed for more. I think she knew I was nervous about being intimate, so she waited patiently, like she had before.

But upon seeing Finnick and Annie's kindling romance, I began to feel the familiar urges. To see Katniss bare before me, worship her breasts, move inside her and bring her to release. I got the feeling Katniss was feeling it too when I woke up with my morning arousal one day and caught Katniss staring at the tent it made in my sweatpants.

I quickly rose from the bed - or at least as quickly as possible with crutches - and made my way into the bathroom, where I shut the door behind me and stripped in preparation for a cold shower.

I had just stepped into the shower, holding myself steady against the wall, when I heard the door burst open and then the shower curtain parted.

I was about to protest in alarm, but my words got stuck in my throat when I saw Katniss was standing bare before me, her long, messy waves cascading over her shoulders, her pert nipples peeking through the dark strands. The smoldering look in her stormy silver eyes immediately told me that nothing I said was going to stop her.

She stepped into the onslaught of water, turning the faucet to a hotter temperature. Then, she turned to me, put her hands on my shoulders and pressed down, urging me to sit on the shower seat. I obeyed, completely mesmerized by the way the water ran in rivulets around her breasts. I had a sudden urge to lap up all the drops.

Once I was situated on the shower seat, my erection standing at full attention, she stepped over me and lowered herself onto me. At the sensation of me filling her up, we threw our heads back and released loud gasps into the steamy air.

After we collected ourselves, we leaned back toward each other and our lips met in a fiery frenzy as she started moving herself up and down. After a few moments, I lowered my head to her breasts, lapping up the water there and taking a dusky peak into my mouth, rolling it around on my tongue and sucking so hard I knew I would leave bruises. But I was so lost in her, needing her as if she were oxygen, that I couldn't bring myself to stop. And by the noises she was making, I didn't think she wanted me to stop either.

My hands moved to her hips, guiding her to the pace I needed as I was finding it hard to find leverage with just one leg to meet her thrusts and push up into her. She quickly figured out the rhythm I wanted and began pounding onto me so hard that it only took a few more times before I was gasping desperately, "Katniss, Katniss, I'm - stop - I can't…"

But she didn't seem to care, and she pounded onto me one more time before I reached my climax, the tension leaving my belly and releasing within her. I didn't even realize she had been so close to her climax too until I felt her clench around me and she let out a loud moan against my neck.

We stayed in that position for a little while, the effects of our climaxes still reverberating since we hadn't been together this way in so long. When she finally raised her head from my shoulder to look at me, she smiled brilliantly, a hint of amusement playing in her eyes.

"And you thought you wouldn't be any good at this with only one leg," she quipped.

"Well, I didn't do much of the work," I admitted, smiling sheepishly.

"You provided everything I needed," she replied, giving me a deep kiss and I felt myself starting to reawaken inside of her. She must have felt it too, because her kiss gained more heat and desperation.

I spent a good portion of the rest of the day figuring out all the ways I could still make love to her with only one leg.

**ONE YEAR LATER**

"Hurry up, Peet!" Finnick called as he and Annie ran ahead of me. I had told Katniss she could go ahead too, but, of course, she wouldn't listen. Even though I'd been surfing several times now with my prosthetic leg, I knew she still worried about me.

When we reached the water, we laid down on our new surfboards that Dad and Cecelia had bought us since we'd lost ours to the ocean the day of the attack, and paddled out into the surf, trying to catch up with Finnick and Annie. The water, warmed by the July sun, felt better than it ever had. The sun was high and the sky was clear and brilliantly blue. Once we reached the pair, we wasted no time in catching waves.

Of course, relearning to surf had been quite a challenge. Balancing was entirely different with a prosthetic leg and the flexibility was another obstacle I had to overcome, and I'll admit that there were several times I grew so frustrated that I considered giving up. But with a lot of persistent support from Katniss, Finnick, Annie and even Haymitch, I had finally started getting the hang of it again.

As I rode out a wave, I couldn't help but laugh as I saw Finnick flail off of his board and then break the surface again with a broad grin on his face. Annie shook her head at me as she swam toward another wave with Katniss. It felt so good to be here with them.

The first time I had been in the ocean since the attack, I expected to feel terrified or some level of fear. I had never considered the dark depths below me before and found that, while I was definitely aware of them now, I didn't feel afraid. Maybe that was more of a choice I had made - to not feel afraid.

I loved the ocean. Loved surfing. It had become a part of who I was. The shark attack had caused me to lose a leg, I didn't want it to be the reason or an excuse to lose anything else, especially my passion for surfing.

There were nights that Katniss and I both still had nightmares over the attack, but since she had moved in with me, we were able to calm and comfort each other.

Katniss definitely had a reason to be afraid of the ocean too, but I think she had made a choice similar to mine - to not be afraid of the ocean. There were miles and miles of uncharted depths, but if we allowed fear to hold us back, how would we justify being brave in the face of anything ever again?

So we overcame the fear. Together.

**Epilogue**

I sat on my surfboard, letting the gentle waves roll beneath me, watching proudly as Katniss surfed next to her, riding out the wave and maintaining her balance perfectly just as her mother had taught her.

It made me reminiscent of when I had first taught Katniss to surf. And now she was teaching our eight year-old daughter. She was basically a miniature version of Katniss with her tan complexion, dark hair pulled back into a braid and lithe frame. The only physical quality that revealed she was mine were her blue eyes. Even her agile surfing skills were from her mother.

Our four year-old son, sitting on my surfboard with me, tugged irritatedly at the lifejacket he was wearing, jealous that he couldn't be out there with his big sister. I tried to soothe him, but, while he looked more like me, he had inherited his mother's stubborn and impatient disposition and wanted none of my nonsense.

After Katniss had ridden out the wave, she noticed his little tantrum and looked at me sympathetically. I smiled sheepishly and she and our daughter paddled over to us.

"Can you surf with me now, Dad?" our daughter asked, her smile as impossible to refuse as her mother's.

I looked at our son on my surfboard. "Only if Little Man will let me."

Katniss chuckled and said she'd take him while I had a turn surfing. So, after we'd transferred him over to Katniss's board, I splashed our daughter playfully and swam out ahead of her, pretending to struggle as she easily caught up to me in our pretend race.

As she and I took turns catching waves, it was hard to believe that fifteen years prior, I had almost lost my life here. And that I'd thought I wouldn't be able to surf again. Even after fifteen years, there were times when I still wasn't used to having a prosthetic leg. And times when we were young parents and our daughter was a baby that I expressed my frustrations over it.

But when we signed her up for surf camp after she expressed interest in it, she had come home the first day talking about how everyone wanted to be her friend because her dad was "the surfer with the cool leg" and she wanted to "surf as good as him." After that, I stopped complaining about it because I realized that my daughter didn't see it as disability, but rather something that made me unique so I should start looking at it that way too. Katniss may or may not have cried when she heard our daughter say that, but she would never admit to it.

People that had been around Manhattan Beach for awhile knew who I was and how it had happened. So, when they would stop by the cafe that I had redesigned and remodeled after graduating with my degree in architecture, they would ask me lots of questions, one of their favorites being, "Aren't you afraid to let your children in the water?"

My answer was always, "Absolutely not," because Katniss and I had made that choice to not live in fear. Instead, we chose to enjoy every moment, appreciate the good things we had or witnessed people doing and never take things for granted. Of course, sometimes we fell short of living that way, but we did our best and made sure to instill those same values in our children.

Being out in the ocean now, the sun smiling brilliantly and the powerful waves cresting around me, while Katniss held our son and we watched our daughter surf boldly and fearlessly, I realized that it had all been worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Much love to you all!


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